CATE'S GLORY

Cate is many things: smart, driven, opinionated. However, one area we have been working on is empathy. For this reason, I was touched by a recent story her teacher shared with me that is excerpted below.

Before we get too far into break, I wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know about a noteworthy moment in P.E. on Friday. First, I'll give you a little background information. We were playing Gagaball, and the important things to know about the game for this anecdote are: 1) there are no teams, so everyone is against everyone else and when you get "out" you are in Jail until the person who got you out gets out or a Jailbreak is called, and 2) in addition to the conventional way of getting out by being hit by a ball, if you fall down (and a body part other than your hands or feet touches the ground), you are out. Cate, is very goodat Gagaball--which means that the players she gets out are often stuck in Jail for a long time. On Friday, she got --- out and when he was finally released by a Jailbreak, he stood up and she got him out again. The next time he re-entered the game, he lasted a little bit longer, but, again, Cate got him. He sat down in Jail grumbling, "I guess I'll wait for another Jailbreak..." and started tearing up. Cate happened to be nearby, noticed him tearing up and looked like she was about to ask either what was wrong or what she could do, but promptly realized that she was likely the reason why he was crying. So she fell down. She just dropped to the ground and then moved herself into Jail. I nudged --- to let him know he was back in and his face lit up and he jumped up with excitement as he ran back into the game. I caught Cate's eye and quietly told her Thank You because that was the most compassionate act of kindness I have seen in a long time.

What a story and what a girl! I hope she continues to grow and that people remember her at least as much for her kindness as her imperiousness!

REGRETS, WE ALL HAVE A FEW

Recently, Cate took a field trip to visit a Native American cultural center along with her teachers and classmates. This was not Cate's first field trip, and others had gone off without a hitch. On this one though, there was a problem-a big problem.

After the trip, we learned that Cate and several of her classmates were raising their middle fingers in the f--- you sign to cars that were passing by. When confronted about this by her teacher, Cate and her classmates said they did not know what that symbol stood for and pleaded innocence.

Later that night, I had a chance to talk to Cate. She said she truly did not know what "flipping the bird" meant and that she and her friends were just doing it at the ceiling. I calmly asked Cate, "Where did you see such a thing, and did you think that was a kind symbol or an unkind symbol?" She replied that she had seen it at school. Further, she said that whenever she had seen someone do this, it seemed as though they were doing it to be mean or make someone feel bad.

Having established that Cate knew this was a bad decision, I tried to help her realize that this did not make her a bad person. I told her I was saddened by her choice but that I did not love her any less. We talked about how we knew she could do better and that one was obligated to think before any action. We talked about deciding whether our choices were designed to "break" someone down or to "build" them up and how "builds" were the actions we should strive for.

The next day, Cate wrote a letter of apology to her teachers that she handed in today. Cate said her teacher appreciated the sincerity of her words and actions. I appreciate them, too, and I know that Cate will be a better person for having made such a regretful error. I would know as I have been there myself on too many occasions to count.

INDEPENDENT'S DAY

Today, our little one gave her second grade independent project at Arbor.

The students are challenged to pick a topic that interests them and that they would like to learn more about. Cate chose the English Premier League, a topic very familiar to her brother, though it was largely new to her.

Cate researched the topic, decided what was worth sharing, and then put together a poster and oral presentation. She wowed them and showed a great command of the information.

I love to see this little one grow and stretch. She is growing and changing so fast. This video and this post will serve as a reminder of where she was at one May day in 2017.

Here's to Cate!

LEFT OUT BUT NOT KNOCKED OUT

The day after Halloween, Nicholas said he wanted to talk to me about something. As we sat together, he explained that things were "off" at school.

The prior week, three of his friends had been discussing a Halloween party at one of the kids' houses around Nicholas. Naturally, Nicholas thought he would be invited. However, it turned out that the boy organizing the party had not intended to invite Nicholas. At that point, Nicholas expressed his frustration and his hurt feelings. This did not resolve the problem.

According to Nicholas, things got worse from there. His three friends proceeded to ignore Nicholas and not respond to his repeated pleas about why he was no longer welcome and why they did not want to be his friend anymore. Nicholas shared all of this with me with tears in his eyes that he fought back and never shed.

Obviously, I was saddened to hear about how these boys had treated Nicholas. Because the boys are only 11, I did not think this would be resolved on its own. Therefore, I told Nicholas that we needed to get his teachers involved and that I wanted to talk with them when I dropped him off the next day.

When we went in to the school the following day, we found one of Nicholas' teachers. We asked if she had a minute, and then I asked Nicholas to tell her what had happened. Again, as he fought back tears that he never shed, Nicholas told the same story he had told me. The teacher had been unaware of what had happened, and she agreed to get more information and to try to resolve the situation. As I drove away from the school that day, I felt gutted.

Here was the sweetest and kindest person I know being hurt. Over the next few days, we were able to get more information from both the teacher and one of the boy's parents. The latter did not seem very concerned and even complained that the school should stay out of the kids' personal lives. To this, Kathleen retorted, the kids should not be discussing outside social activities that are exclusive, invite-only in front of other children who were not welcome. The mom had no response.

In the end, the ringleader boy and Nicholas' other sheep-like friends involved in the party explained to Nicholas that they "wanted to take a break" from being his friend. I explained to Nicholas that that was their right but that he also had the right to be treated with respect and kindness. We talked about how one's worth is not measured by how others treat us but rather by how one behaves and treats others. We watched a video about kindness that was excerpted from the author George Saunders' commencement speech on this same topic. I think it struck a chord with Nicholas.

I hope Nicholas realizes how special he is, and how the pause in their friendship is those other boys' loss. 

Adolescence is hard. Hell, life is hard at any age. However, I know Nicholas will get through this and that he will become a stronger person with an even greater sense of self-esteem and right and and wrong. That does not change the fact that his pain was unbearable to watch and that I would have done anything to try and make that pain go away for my sweet little boy.

A LIFE LEFT UNFINISHED BUT LIVED IN FULL

Tonight, the Arbor community received word that one of its parents - Kara Larson - passed away after a year-long battle with cancer.

I did not know Kara until her diagnosis, but afterward I had the pleasure of meeting her and her husband John. Kara's vitality and their love for each other was very powerful, and I was truly inspired every time we met or spoke. Their son Will rides the bus with our kids, and he always struck me as a very quiet but kind soul. Unlike your average seventh grader, he was also coping with his mom's illness, but his attitude and his demeanor were always very level. That is as much a tribute to him as to his parents and their unconditional love for him.

I lose patients all the time, but it never gets easier or becomes rote. This is because each patient is an individual who had his/her own hopes and dreams and story that is still unfolding. While I was not Kara's doctor or know her well, I know that she was someone who made a big difference - in the lives of her family, her friends, and customers of her dress and toy shops in Northeast Portland. Hers is a tale that remains unfinished and that was sadly cut short. However, I know that Kara will live on through John and Will and that Kara knew that there could be meaning in her death. In fact, the message announcing her passing included an exhortation to "be more present, spend more time with family, and follow our dreams." What more is there in life, really?

Today, even before receiving word of Kara's passing, I came home early from work. This was because Nicholas had sent me a text message that he wanted to play together at the park. Nothing seemed more important than that at the time, and I am so glad I came home to him.

I know that life is too short for us all and that life is until further notice. Because of that, we must make the most of the time we have together and treat each other as though each encounter may be our last. I think that is something Kara knew far before she became ill, and it is a message that no one has made more clear to me than Kara through her words and deeds.  I promise we will look out for your boys and that we will heed your words and follow your example Kara. May you rest in peace.

SURVIVING LIFE’S CURVEBALLS

Last week it is was time for Nicholas to try out again for the competitive soccer team. He had tried out the last three years and had been selected each time.  In previous years, Nicholas had returned home confident that he was going to make the team. Therefore, we were somewhat concerned when he stated that he was afraid he was not going to make the team after completing the two-day tryout this time. Nonetheless, I told Nicholas that all one can do is try one's best effort and hope for that things work out 

Early the next day, I received an email stating that Nicholas had not been selected for the team. I was heartbroken for the little guy and spent much of the day trying to find a way to tell him. Finally, I decided to talk to him while we were lying in bed about to start reading our books. I first said that I had heard back from the coach. Nicholas immediately came to life and asked what the email said. I told him that he was not selected, to which he responded, “Are you serious?”

It took a few seconds to sink in, but he was soon in tears. He cried in a way that I have not seen since he was a baby – inconsolably. I told him that I was so sorry but that I was proud of him for having the courage to stick his neck on the line and try out when so many of his current teammates had decided to play it safe and not try out again. I told him that I, too, had been in the same situation and was cut during basketball tryouts three years in a row in middle school.

At this point, I paused and asked Nicholas how he felt and what specifically made him so upset. He said that soccer was a huge part of his identity. He said that so many of his friends from school were competitive soccer players who surely were selected during their tryouts. He said he felt like he was able to do the same drills as the other kids during the tryout and that he never got a chance to show his skills during the scrimmages because he never got the ball. Still sobbing, he wondered aloud whether this verdict would mark him for life and meant that his soccer-playing days were over.

I reminded Nicholas that I knew no one who loved the game of soccer more than him – not just playing the game but also studying its players, its teams, and its history. I told him that his love and knowledge of the game had very little to do with being on a competitive team, and I told him that his playing days were far from over. As I held him, he continued to sob. Eventually though, he calmed down and said that he wanted to dedicate himself to improving and trying out again.

I told him that we would look into recreational soccer teams in the neighborhood in the meantime and still play futsal with his friends from Arbor. I even invited him to play pick up soccer with my friends the next day. Finally, I told Nicholas that there are two ways to look at a life event like this. One approach is to feel sorry for one’s self. Another approach is to realize that when one door closes, another door opens. I told him that there were so many additional passions he might now pursue – art, basketball, track and field, frisbee, swimming – none of which have been possible with the year-round schedule of competitive soccer. Nicholas acknowledged these new possibilities and seemed genuinely excited at the prospect of cultivating a new interest.

The next day we did go to the pitch to play pick up soccer. There were several instances when I noticed that Nicholas was being passive and not fully immersed in the game. I gave him the feedback in real-time, which prompted him to play harder and be more engaged. He scored a wonderful goal from the end line from an impossible angle that all the players marveled at. In fact when we were leaving, one of the men asked me Nicholas’ name. I told him, and he said, “Nicholas, that was a great shot. Keep it up!” This brought a huge smile on Nicholas' face.

As we walked home, I put my arm around Nicholas. I realized that I could not solve Nicholas’ setback this time and secure him a place on the team as much as I would have liked to. I still feel absolutely gutted for him. However, as the days have passed, Nicholas has not mentioned his disappointment again. He seems to have realized that there are many more important things to concern himself with, that he is still special, and that the future is still very bright. 

I do not know where Nicholas gets his strength and his resilience – though no doubt Arbor has played a huge role. However, I take great solace in knowing that Nicholas will be able to summon the fortitude to bounce back when life throws its next curve ball at him. As a parent, I cannot wish for more than that for my son.

BOYHOOD

Today, we went in to Arbor for the "Brain Box" Celebration in Nicholas' classroom. This was an opportunity to see the kids' latest project studying the human brain and contemplating their place in the world. I was truly amazed by the work of each and every child.

For the main project, each child created a box with pictures of him/her in various profile poses for the sides and top of the box. They also diagrammed the brain using the sides of the box and listed the functions of the various brain parts.

Inside the box, they wrote several pieces about various topics. One of the pieces focused on a memorable day of school. Nicholas wrote about his first day of school-a day I remember quite well. He wrote that he was overwhelmed by all of the grown-ups and the loud sounds in the classroom. He also told the story of how his teacher called on him when he looked quite upset that first day. It turns out that Nicholas had counted 21 children in his classroom. This got him quite agitated, and he told his teacher, "My daddy told me there were only supposed to be 20 kids in this class, but I count 21!" It turns out the director of admissions at Arbor was in the classroom at the time. To say that she takes her job seriously would be the understatement of the year. Upon hearing this, she could only smile, shake her head, and make her way to the exit. What a memory on this kid!

Nicholas was also assigned the task of writing a letter addressed to someone whom he admired. I joked with him that he shouldn't have written about me. He quickly replied, "Don't worry dad, I wrote mine to Cate!" 

In his letter, Nicholas wrote about how lucky he was to have Cate as his sister and how she was always so encouraging of him. He specifically cited an example of when he was playing a soccer game and his team was losing. Despite his team's poor performance, Nicholas said he could hear Cate loudly rooting for him on the sidelines the whole time. When he later scored a goal, it was Cate's cheers that he heard first. In proper Arbor tradition, Nicholas also placed a copy of the letter in the mail to Cate. I cannot wait to see her face when she receives it.

Finally, the parents were assigned a task during "Brain Box Day," too. We were charged with writing our child a letter-a letter that would remain unread by the child until the second to last day of eighth grade prior to graduation. 

Many thoughts went through my head as I thought about what to write. First, I thought about how my childhood was virtually free of the many joyous moments I could recall from Nicholas' childhood. I also thought about how that experience colors my own perspective to this day. 

Nicholas, on the other hand, seems to find joy in nearly everything he does, and he is not one to get down. Moreover, he is one of the nicest people whom I have ever met. I wrote those things to him, and I also stole a line from the writer Paul Kalanithi when I told Nicholas that he should remember-especially at life's low points-that he brought me greater joy than anyone else in my life and that that was an immense thing. I told him that I was proud of the boy he had been, the young man he had become, and the man I know he will grow up to be. Tears were shed as I finished up. This was not only because I more fully appreciated just how much my 10 year-old had changed over the course of the last 6 years at Arbor. I also shed tears because I realized that my time with Nicholas under my roof was finite. However, until that day, I will enjoy every minute of this young man-my son, my best friend.

LESSONS LEARNED

Our kids are pretty well-behaved for the most part. This is why we were a little surprised to hear that there had been an issue on the bus last week involving Cate.

When asked about it, Cate said that she and her friend were merely being loud. However, a phone call from Cate's teacher described things as a little more complicated that that. Apparently there was some  teasing and then name calling going on. Cate was a victim of the former and then was guilt of the latter.

We asked Cate to tell us the full truth about what happened that night after I got home. She was very reluctant at first and was quite upset to even talk about the matter. Finally, she told us that one of the girls on the bus had been making fun of Cate and Cate's best friend, a boy from her class. The girl teased them for being married and being in love because Cate always sits next to this boy on the bus. Despite Cate's insistence that they were not married and pleas for this girl to stop, the taunting continued. At one point the girl also remarked that there was an ugly truck driving past them out the window. I suppose Cate saw her opening because our little one retorted, "Not as ugly as your face!"

I made a point to explain to Cate that her remark was every bit as hurtful as the girl's teasing and that is was not acceptable. I also explained that I could empathize with Cate and her frustration. We talked about other ways to handle situations like this and how perhaps she and her friend should sit apart from the girl. We also explained that she should involve the bus driver and that we would speak to the girl's mom if anything like this happened again. Cate expressed understanding, and we had a big hug and a lot of tear-drying. 

What I did not say to Cate was that I was a little floored by the directness of her comment to the girl. It was a hell of a comeback for a seven year-old. Succinct, pointed, dagger. I do not condone this type of behavior, but sometimes one needs to fight fire with fire with bullies. Here's hoping there can be some sort of detente. We will add this to the list of childhood lessons learned.

 

MONSTER MASH

Here is my crew.

We may have finished the season 1-6, but I would still call it a success. That is because the point of putting this team together was for these boys to have fun outside of school and make some memories.

One cannot win every game or every title. However, one can always have fun when one plays with one's friends and give one's all.

Until next season!

PROFILES IN COURAGE

This season for the Monster Mash Arbor futsal team has been a challenging one. We played in the Competitive Division with "Classic" teams who play together year-round, and the skill of these other teams led to some lop-sided losses. 

However another key contributor to our losses was limited players. This is a function of other commitments, vacation, etc, and was totally understandable. That is not to say that having a limited squad was not painful though. 

On the second to last game, our scarcity of players was particularly pronounced as we had only five players- the minimum needed to field a team-versus the other team's 10 players. This meant that our guys had to play all 48 minutes with no breaks or substitutions. 

In my experience, the team with more substitutions often beats the team with more skills, and our game that day was no exception. Yes, we did go on to lose, but not before our guys fought like hell and gave everything they had. There was blood. There was sweat, and there were even a few tears. At no point did our guys give up or stop fighting, and that was the true lesson of the day. It is easy to be bold and not capitulate when victory seems possible. It is another thing altogether to play like that when defeat seems all but assured. I hope these boys carry this lesson with them and remember that life is full of ups and downs. We cannot control the outcome of events. However, that does not mean that we cannot control how we react to those circumstances and that we give up. 

Courage apparently comes in all sizes!

THE AGONY OF DEFEAT

Earlier this month I began coaching the Arbor Boys futsal team Monster Mash for the fourth time. We finished as league champions the previous three seasons and had only lost three times in three seasons. This season has been much more challenging, and we have already lost three matches.

There are several explanations for the difference in results this year. First, we lost one of our top players to injury. Second, we have had a few player absences. Finally, and most importantly, we are playing in the Competitive Under 11 (U11) Division. We had played in Competitive divisions before, but this age group is clearly much more competitive. This is because every team we face is made up of players on "Classic," year-round soccer teams. Our team, on the other hand, is made up of some Classic players, some who play recreational ("Rec") soccer and some who do not play at all. Our competition is organized, aggressive, and skilled. This is enough to overcome the familiarity our players have with each other from playing at recess every day and to overcome one of our truly exceptional players - Q.

I have tried to keep the boys' spirits up and explained to them that our competition is truly skilled and that we should still hold our heads high for giving it our all. We have managed to win one match and nearly beat the top team last week. That team had only given up 7 seven goals in two matches - the fewest of any team. We were able to put six past them, though they scored eight.

We have three games left, and we will keep going. One cannot win every match, but one can give one's all. Here's to humility and picking one's self up - lessons the boys have learned all too well this season.

GRADUATION DAY

One of the toughest tickets in town every year is the Arbor eighth grade graduation ceremony. This is because space is limited and because the event is so darn moving. That is why we were so gratified to receive an invitation in the mail from Cate's eighth grade buddy Elena.

At the event, each graduating student gives a speech with content of their choosing. It is amazing how each child has something different to say about his/her experience. Some children talk about where they started off and the person whom they are now. Others mention their favorite experiences at the school. Uniformly though, the children thank the head of school and founder Kit Abel Hawkins. They know that without Kit, Arbor would not exist and that their experience would not have been so magical.

For the parents in the audience, the day is quite bittersweet even if one's own child is not graduating. As I heard the children's speeches, I could not help but reflect on the five years that have passed since Nicholas joined Arbor. In nearly every way, these graduating seniors were a reminder of how ephemeral childhood is. Perhaps that is why I was moved to tears so many times during the ceremony and why I found myself hugging Nicholas in a little more closely as the event wore on.

At the ceremony, many kids encouraged their kindergarten buddies like Cate who were in attendance to appreciate how special Arbor is. Many of the graduates like Elena specifically thanked their buddies and told them how special their relationship with them was. This was not just because the kindergartners are so small and sweet. Rather, in many ways, the kindergartners were a reminder to the eighth graders of how they, too, entered this school full of innocence and naivety and how much they, themselves, had grown in the past nine years.

Afterwards, I gave out countless hugs to the graduates whom I knew and to their parents. Before we left, I found Kit. I looked her in the eye and merely said, "Thank you." No other words were necessary. Afterwards, we hugged, and then we departed.

That day, more than any other, I realized how lucky our family is to be a part of this community and to have such an amazing group of teachers, staff, and students to help our kids grow.

I do not envy any medical school that tries to recruit me away before Cate graduates from Arbor. Jobs are interchangeable, but graduation day reminds me that Arbor is truly one of a kind.

HOW TO MAKE A CATE

Before Spring Break, the kids in Cate's class completed a "mad libs" style exercise. The goal of the project was to create a recipe of themselves. Cate Cate's is shown below. Warning, this girl is sugary sweet, but she is also pretty spicy!

THREEPEAT!

Tonight, the Arbor Boys futsal team Monster Mash won its third consecutive title in style.

In the past three season, this team has been dominant, winning 24 games and losing only 3 games for an 89% win percentage. That is unreal, especially when you consider that they put guys in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame for missing two-thirds of the time. :) 

Three straight titles is something that only a select group of sports teams has ever achieved, and it is rarely achieved without adversity. This season there were many bumps along the way for us. Indeed, we had already lost two games this season, giving us a 5-2 record going into the final match.

However, this title was decided in style on the last game of the season with a 9-4 win tonight against Salmon Creek, who had been in first place with a 6-1 record. Salmon Creek had beaten us 10-1 last time, but we had also beaten them 6-5 earlier in the season. If you asked 100 people who watched our 10-1 defeat to Salmon Creek who was going to win this rematch, most people would have bet against our guys. I guess that put me in the minority.

Our win tonight - our second of the season against Salmon Creek - vaulted us into first place on the head to head tiebreaker rule. It was fittingly one of the most dominating, beautiful games of football I have ever seen. We never trailed, and our guys played a near perfect match. We went into half up by four goals, but we did not take our foot off the accelerator. There was no sitting back and defending. Like Barca, we believed that the best defense is offense, and this strategy paid off big in the end!
When our team focuses and plays their hearts out like tonight, nothing can stop them. There are bigger teams, stronger teams, and perhaps even more-skilled teams. However, our guys play for the love of the game and for love of each other. It is just like the current crop of Barca players who began playing together in their youth academy at the age of 9 or 10.

Simply put, brotherhood is what explains our guys’ success and how beautiful their football is. It also does not hurt that our guys have been friends for over half their lives and spend five days per week together for nine months of the year. That is the intangible that this team brings to the court every game. No amount of practices or training sessions by the other teams can ever make up for this!

I have written about Coach L previously in this forum, and I will come back to him tonight. I had invited him to the game, but he was too weak to come. His son (pictured in the middle) and daughter-in-law did come tonight though. His son used his iPhone to FaceTime the game to his dad. Coach watched the whole thing. Apparently, he thinks our guys bear a strong resemblance to Barca. He even singled out the "blond boy" (Quincy- first row far left in the picture above) as “Little Messi.” I guess we know that the iPhone reception was good and that Coach was paying attention! :)

At moments like this, I cannot help but feel “Arbor envy” about having gone to school elsewhere. However, I am grateful that our boys get to experience Arbor and that I get to experience a little bit of them as Arborites and spend time together with the other Arbor families through this team. 

I cannot wait until next Fall when we get to experience more magic from these little Monsters on the court! I will leave you with a video that reminded me very much of tonight’s dominating five goal win by the "Little Barca" as Coach L called us.

MY PATIENT, MY COACH

This week I said goodbye to one of my dearest patients whom I will call Coach L. Like me, he is a huge soccer fan. However, Coach L. made his living as a soccer player and coach. During his career, he both played and coached in several World Cups and for many professional clubs and traveled the world.

I met Coach L. over two years ago when his metastatic prostate cancer was progressing despite hormonal treatments and chemotherapy. Until recently, we had no other effective therapies for men like Coach L.  However, clinical trials conducted at my hospital and others identified new and more effective therapies that were approved by the FDA shortly before I met Coach L. I treated him with no fewer than five therapies in the past two years, and he also enrolled on three clinical trials. He participated in research because he wanted to fight and because he wanted to help other men with his disease. He gave everything and fought his best, but we had sadly run out of effective options.

When I saw Coach L. last week in clinic, he told me that he had decided to stop treatment. He thanked me for all my efforts but said that he was too weak to continue. He said that he was not afraid to die. He just wanted to die his way. I reflected on his words during that visit.

Coach L. had lost weight, but he was still a strapping, stocky man - a man who had terrorized many strikers in his time. He had never given up on anything in his life, but somehow he knew that now was the time to stop.

I told Coach L. that I was somewhat amazed by his resolve and comfort with his decision. I told him that only a man who had lived a life that he could be proud of and who had nothing left to prove could be that resolute or comfortable with such a decision. He said that he had regrets like anyone but that his life had been full. To him, death was not apart from life. Death was a part of life.

As he, his son, and I consoled each other, I let these words sink in. Death is a part of life.

I told Coach L. and his son that I was sorry that I could not do more, that I had let them down by not controlling his cancer better. However, I also told them that today, more than ever, I felt honored to have the job that I do. I hate the harm that cancer inflicts. However, I also know that cancer introduces me to so many incredible patients like Coach L. - patients who let me into their lives and whom I let into mine.

We spent the remainder of the visit talking about the things we love most - the beautiful game of football and our families. His daughter was planning to visit from his native land, and his son was spending a lot of time with him. We talked about Nicholas' futsal team and how much I enjoyed coaching the boys from Arbor.

I told him that I gave the boys a pep talk before their last game that took place two days before his clinic visit. At that game, I told the boys about how Coach L. was near the end of his battle with cancer and how there are so many more important things than winning or losing football matches. I told the boys that we are judged much more by how we live or play the game than the end result.

These words seemed to inspire the boys. They played well as a team and defeated their opponents 11-6. Most importantly, they kept their cool despite very unsportsmanlike play by the other team. Afterwards, the boys, Cate, and I all signed a card to Coach L. shown below that I shared with him. I especially like Kiko's comment.

Coach L. said that he was proud of the way our boys had played and that he was not surprised that such a team had only lost three games in three seasons. What a compliment from such a giant. What a privilege to be his doctor. What a gift this life is.

At the end of the visit and these two years together, I now know that I have been the pupil and Coach L. my coach. He has taught me to live a life that I might be proud of and to maintain my composure in all circumstances. These are lessons that I hope to remember everyday and that I reminded the Arbor boys of tonight.

Here's to Coach L. - my vote for coach of the year!

SOLSTICE

In the past two weeks, we had the pleasure of attending the Arbor Winter Solstice, the annual performance by the kids from each grade.

Nicholas went first. He and his classmates re-enacted the Odyssey. Nicholas totally nailed his lines. One line is shown below.



Cate and the kindergartners and first graders performed the following week. Our little one played the xylophone and drums and sang songs.



Fun was had by all. I hope you enjoy!

CAMPEONES

Yesterday, Monster Mash did something it does very well. It took an early lead and never looked back. This was important because the Monsters (5-1) were playing undefeated league leaders FC Chaos (6-0). I will remind you that FC Chaos was the only team to have beaten us in the past two years.

I unfortunately missed the game because we were in Barcelona, but the dads who filled in said it was one for the ages.

Apparently, the teams traded blows in the first half. At halftime, the score was tied  4-4. However, in the second half, the boys pulled away and held on to a three goal lead late - the precise lead that would have given the Monsters the title outright.

FC Chaos pulled back a goal late, and the final score was 7-5. This meant that both teams had the same record (6-1) and the same goal differential (+24 goals), calculated by subtracting goals conceded during the season from goals scored during the season.

Our goal differential was actually +38 rather than +24. However, the league limits the maximum margin of victory to seven goals. Therefore, despite winning two of our games by 14 goals, we were only granted a seven goal margin of victory. I have an email in to the league. Because of our superior actual goal differential and due to the fact that we conceded fewer goals - 29 versus 37 by FC Chaos, I believe we should be allowed to claim this title outright!

Just like I am no longer surprised by my favorite pro team Barca's exploits, I am no longer surprised by the exploits of the boys of Monster Mash. However, that does not keep me from appreciating their achievements and the way they take care of business. Win or lose, these boys never falter. I will raise several large glasses of cava to them during our trip and toast our campeones!

LIVING HISTORY UP CLOSE

Last weekend, the Arbor boys' futsal team Monster Mash beat their opponents 9-2 for a 5-1 record in six games. Our only loss this season was to Team Chaos. They have a 6-0 record. Fittingly, we have a chance not only for revenge but also a chance at the title in a rematch with Chaos on the last day of the season.

Unfortunately, that game will take place one day after I leave the country for a two week trip to Europe and the day I will be in the Camp Nou watching my other favorite team FC Barcelona play.

Because I was going to be away, I decided to set up a practice this past weekend to prepare the boys and instill a greater sense of confidence in them. We ran through several drills and talked about the key points in the match: applying defensive pressure, bringing the ball out of the back safely, attacking collectively, aiming for the corners and being precise with our finishing, and playing as a team rather than as a collection of individuals.

Afterwards, we sat in a circle at midfield. I asked them to raise their hands if they thought they could beat Chaos. All the boys and I raised our hands. I reminded them that we were outscored 5-1 in the first half of the first match with Chaos. However, we "won" the second half and outscored them 6-4 after increasing our intensity, protecting the ball better, and attacking as a unit.

I also brought up the concept of goal differential. This is the value of goals scored by a team minus goals conceded. Chaos' goal differential was + 28. Ours was +24. In reality, our was much higher because we had 14-0 and 16-2 victories in two matches. However, the league only let's a team win a match by a maximum of seven goals.

Because of Chaos' advantage in goal differential, we did not just need to beat them. We had to beat them by three or more goals (i.e. a three goal victory by us would reduce Chaos' goal differential to +25 and increase ours to +27).

I again told the boys that I was confident that we could achieve this, and I had facts to back my claim. Indeed, four of our five victories were decided by three or more goals, and three of our victories were decided by seven or more goals. The boys eyes gleamed.

Finally, I asked them what it would mean if they lost. Several boys politely raised their hands and then answered when called upon.  One boy said it would mean that only one team (Chaos) would finish above them. Another boy said that they would still be proud because they tried their best in every match. I echoed their remarks and said I would be proud no matter how the game finished. We ended the practice with a rousing cheer of "Monster Mash."

After the practice, the Monster Mash boys played their parents, including me, in a scrimmage. It was non-stop action, and we just might have beaten the boys. However, according to Nicholas the game ended with a win for the Monsters or a draw at the worst. That is called wishful thinking! At the end of the night, we all said our goodbyes, and I wished every boy good luck before taking my leave.

Afterwards, I reflected on the many reasons why it has been a privilege to coach these boys. First, they are incredibly talented, respectful, and motivated. The latter is quite striking because so many people lack motivation in life. Indeed, I often share a quote about motivation from the Arsenal coach Arsene Wenger with people interviewing for my lab. Mr. Wenger said succinctly, "My goal is not to motivate people. My goal is to help people who are motivated!" These boys would make Mr. Wenger proud.

I also enjoy coaching Nicholas and his friends because I realize that their time with each other and with us as their parents is finite. The boys are all at least half way through Arbor. In the coming years, many of them will also go to different high schools. They will eventually leave home. Sniff. Sniff.

I feel privileged to see the boys create lasting memories of their friendships on the court and to see them achieve so much collectively on the court. I know the other parents feel the same way, too.

Watching these boys' lives unfold is much like watching living history. What more could a parent ask for than to witness one's child's happiness, perseverance, and triumphs up close?

Win or lose, this is a season that none of us will soon forget.

BACK ON TRACK

Today, Monster Mash returned to the court to play its first game after losing to FC Chaos last week. Before the game, I reflected on our prior game and defeat with the boys. I talked about how we started off tentatively last week and that we lacked confidence and control. I told them that if that if we played our best and focused that we could beat practically any team. I also told them that we should fear no team because we are in this together!

The boys appeared to hear these words, and we came back strong and defeated the Hurricanes 9-5. It was a great team performance, and every one of our players contributed to the victory. The game was capped off by a gorgeous play started by Nicholas at midfield. He passed to Quincy who made a darting run down the right flank. He crossed the ball to a surging Torben who scored with a beautiful back heel goal. Class!

What a way to bounce back! It is so great to see the boys playing well and having fun! I told them that that is the only thing that matters out there. Here's to Monster Mash!

FIRST TASTE OF DEFEAT

Today the Arbor boys team Monster Mash did something they had never done before. They lost a match.

To remind you, last season we went undefeated, and we started this new season with a resounding 14-0 win. However, this week we played a much tougher team - Team Chaos - that featured primarily fifth graders, including two of the boys' Arbor classmates.

In the first half, our boys were visibly nervous. Our nervousness led to many errant passes and easy giveaways. Team Chaos pounced on those mistakes and made us pay. At halftime, we were down 5-1.

It was clear what we needed to do to turn this match around, and I instructed the boys to play more aggressive defense and to take their time making decisions when we had the ball. We quickly mounted a comeback and pulled to within one goal with 5 minutes left. However, we missed several chances and gave up the ball in our end. The final score was 9-7.

After the game, many of the boys hung their heads in despair and some were close to tears. I told them that I was incredibly proud of them and that they had given everything they had. One cannot win all the time, and sometimes the better team is the other team.

My boys tasted defeat today, but I know they will learn from this and bounce back. We will take one game at a time.

In the final game of the season, we have another shot at Chaos. This final match will decide the title if both Monster Mash and Chaos win the rest of their games. My money is on our boys who will surely come back from this win stronger and more resolute. Go Monsters!