LEFT OUT BUT NOT KNOCKED OUT

The day after Halloween, Nicholas said he wanted to talk to me about something. As we sat together, he explained that things were "off" at school.

The prior week, three of his friends had been discussing a Halloween party at one of the kids' houses around Nicholas. Naturally, Nicholas thought he would be invited. However, it turned out that the boy organizing the party had not intended to invite Nicholas. At that point, Nicholas expressed his frustration and his hurt feelings. This did not resolve the problem.

According to Nicholas, things got worse from there. His three friends proceeded to ignore Nicholas and not respond to his repeated pleas about why he was no longer welcome and why they did not want to be his friend anymore. Nicholas shared all of this with me with tears in his eyes that he fought back and never shed.

Obviously, I was saddened to hear about how these boys had treated Nicholas. Because the boys are only 11, I did not think this would be resolved on its own. Therefore, I told Nicholas that we needed to get his teachers involved and that I wanted to talk with them when I dropped him off the next day.

When we went in to the school the following day, we found one of Nicholas' teachers. We asked if she had a minute, and then I asked Nicholas to tell her what had happened. Again, as he fought back tears that he never shed, Nicholas told the same story he had told me. The teacher had been unaware of what had happened, and she agreed to get more information and to try to resolve the situation. As I drove away from the school that day, I felt gutted.

Here was the sweetest and kindest person I know being hurt. Over the next few days, we were able to get more information from both the teacher and one of the boy's parents. The latter did not seem very concerned and even complained that the school should stay out of the kids' personal lives. To this, Kathleen retorted, the kids should not be discussing outside social activities that are exclusive, invite-only in front of other children who were not welcome. The mom had no response.

In the end, the ringleader boy and Nicholas' other sheep-like friends involved in the party explained to Nicholas that they "wanted to take a break" from being his friend. I explained to Nicholas that that was their right but that he also had the right to be treated with respect and kindness. We talked about how one's worth is not measured by how others treat us but rather by how one behaves and treats others. We watched a video about kindness that was excerpted from the author George Saunders' commencement speech on this same topic. I think it struck a chord with Nicholas.

I hope Nicholas realizes how special he is, and how the pause in their friendship is those other boys' loss. 

Adolescence is hard. Hell, life is hard at any age. However, I know Nicholas will get through this and that he will become a stronger person with an even greater sense of self-esteem and right and and wrong. That does not change the fact that his pain was unbearable to watch and that I would have done anything to try and make that pain go away for my sweet little boy.