NEW NORMAL

Many days I am simply blown away by my children's response to the pandemic and their ability to adjust and continue to go about their lives. A good example is Nicholas and his recent driver's ed class.

We first heard about this class from the parents of some of his friends who had signed their kids up. We were late to the party, and unfortunately the class his friends were attending filled up. We were able to get Nicholas into another class, but he did not know anyone in that class.

Despite the fact that this was an in person class with behind the wheel driving during COVID, Nicholas was undaunted. When I dropped him off, he dutifully put on his mask without prompting and headed to the driver's studio in a strip mall. We were early, so I waited in the car. However, he told me I did not need to stay and encouraged me to go home by text message.

As I looked on at the scene of my young, masked boy ready to go to class and get behind the wheel of a car, I could not help but do a double take. What a strange, strange world we find ourselves in, but what a brave, composed son I have.

Some days, I am just blown away by how different our lives are and how we just keep going. Here is Cate eating her Cookie Monster ice cream with matching blue face mask.

Nicholas' and Cate's fortitude is something to behold, indeed, and I will try to remember their example as I navigate my own challenges - not only during this pandemic but well afterwards.

PROFILES IN RESILIENCE

I have thought a lot about resilience lately - what with a global pandemic, economic collapse, and schools and my lab shuttered for three months. 

Today's New York Times had a very thought-provoking essay on this topic that I highly recommend. In summary, the author contends that our childhood experiences, our close personal connections, and our sense of purpose make a great difference on how resiliently we behave. It reminded me of Viktor Frankl's wonderful book, "Man's Search for Meaning."

Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist. All his life, he found himself asking, "What do I want from life." When he was imprisoned by the Nazis and taken to Auschwitz, he quickly realized that that being there was not really what he had asked for in life. However, he used his time in the camp to understand human survival amidst tragedy and adversity and take his life and work in a new direction. He had modified his perspective to ask, "What was life asking of me?"

I received another inspiring message from the wife of a former patient from Oregon this week. She wrote to let me know that he husband had finally passed away around Easter and that she had struggled with writing to let me know.

Ultimately, she decided to compose the message below:

Dear Joshi,

I hope this finds you and your family safe and happy in your new home and careers. I have composed this letter many times over - and still there is no easy way to tell you that --- made his transition from this life in April on Easter Sunday. Without sounding like a Hallmark card or too maudlin I want to express what your presence in this journey meant to us.

More than your guidance and kind, loving care, you infused each meeting with a sense of calm. --- came away from every appointment with that calm, feeling empowered and hopeful. At our first introduction you explained that this cancer would allow --- the time to do the things and be with the people that mattered most to him. He took that to heart. --- was able to be available to his disabled daughter during a very difficult time in her life. He also connected with several old friends --- some going back almost sixty years. They all came away with their lives enriched by each other. And we made sure that our time together was quality time. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain. We danced in the rain.

Thank you does not begin to express my gratitude for who you are and in our lives. Blessings to you and all those you love.

Much love,

---

The part about the storm and dancing in the rain had me in tears. I had thought that it was my job to comfort her, and yet her words were like a salve in a deep and festering wound and a good reminder for us all to stay positive and keep going.

I called her a day after receiving her message. It was like talking to an old friend. With her permission, I shared her message with my lab team, and I also shared the beautiful words about the storm and the rain on social media. Needless to say, people were blown away.

We find a way to survive – not by ourselves – but with the help of others. Here’s to passing it on.

FIRST SHAVE

For the past nine months, facial hair has been slowly growing on Nicholas' chin, his upper lip, and near the sideburns. Things seemed to have taken off during COVID, so we finally decided to shave it off last weekend.

I can still remember the first time I shaved. It was tenth grade, and I, too, looked like I was sporting a hairlip. It felt good to finally clean it up, and Nicholas expressed similar excitement - though also a little trepidation -  about going under the blade.

First, we washed his face in hot water to make the hair stand by. Next, I lathered up my brush with shave soap and applied a few coats. Finally, I used my trusty Gillette to shave him. I did the sides first, then the upper lip and chin. Finally, I did the neck and chin, pointing out what I was doing with each step. Fortunately, I did not draw blood, and he did not shed tears. He looks like a new man! See for yourself!

The shave kit we ordered for him came in a few days ago, but so far we have not had to re-shave. When it is time, I will give Nicholas the honors.

What a milestone for this young man. Fourteen going on fifteen. I am going to cry!

MY HERO

Yesterday, we learned that Nicholas was one of four freshman honored with the Greenhills Award given annually to those students in each grade who "best demonstrate the Greenhills core values of respect, trust, and responsibility as well as the four qualities included in the school's mission statement: intellectual, ethical, artistic, and athletic potential."

While I am not surprised that Nicholas was honored with such an award, it is remarkable because he has only been at the school for eight months, and three of those months have been during distance learning. Those facts make this recognition even more special because Nicholas clearly made an impression on the students who nominated him and the teachers who supported that nomination.

When we decided to move from Portland to Ann Arbor, Nicholas was not excited about the prospect of leaving the only place he ever had ever known and where he had very deep roots. However, he remained positive and never took out his frustrations of starting over on me. His sweetness and resilience are truly remarkable, and how he has handled this stressful re-start has given me strength.

I have never met a kinder, more curious, or passionate person than Nicholas. I consider him my best friend, and I hope we always stay close. I will cherish the past three months at home with him several days of the week and will enjoy every moment we have together.

Here's to Nicholas!

I CAN'T BREATHE

Last week, America witnessed another horrific murder of an African-American man at the hands of the police. George Floyd was the man's name, and he was murdered in cold blood by Minneapolis police officers. Fortunately - or rather horrifically - someone recorded the killing, and this slow, drawn-out murder has been played millions of times in the past week.

This killing was different from other killings of African-Americans, which have become much too commonplace. What made it different was the outpouring of disgust, outrage, and protest by people of all races - not just African-Americans.

To watch the protests each night is to watch the melting pot that makes this country great. People of all races and creeds - nearly all young - have taken over the streets in cities across the country. As of tonight, there had been a protest in every state in the nation, despite the fact that this killing occurred in Minneapolis.

What accounts for this sea change? I think it is because white Americans were finally able to watch in slow motion as a black man was assassinated with impunity by a man whose job was to keep the peace, not break the peace, I think it is because the coronavirus pandemic has taught us not just that we are all contagious but also that we are all connected. African-American have been the disproportionate victims of the virus, just as they have been the predominant victims of oppression in this country. At some point, enough becomes enough, and we are at that moment.

I hope that we see fundamental structural change in our policing, our understanding of one another, and most of all our politics. Now is the time to raise of voices and to be heard. Let this be the beginning of a national reckoning with our tainted past of racial injustice, and let this please spell the end of the current presidency.

WHAT WE LOSE WHEN THERE'S NO LOSING

Since COVID hit, sports of all kinds - professional, kids, adult recreational - have all been shut down. Given the challenges we face in public health and the economy, this may seem like a small thing. However, sports are more than a part of many of our lives. For me, sports are about suffering, adversity, resilience, community, common cause, triumph, and never giving up. Simply put, sports are life.

This American Life, one of the pre-eminent podcasts of our time, broadcast en episode about sports this week entitled, "Time Out." It might just be my favorite episode from them and features four stories about sports and what they meant to different people's lives. I will let you guess which is my favorite (Hint: it involves a father's and son's shared love for a game with a round ball)! After you listen to the podcast, check out a short video about segment number three and a father's passion for soccer, even if only "imaginary soccer."

These stories felt like a salve on a wound or a burn where healing and recovery seem very far off in the distance. I will relish these stories and memories of sports events that have moved me until sports are back in full.

That the German Bundesliga is back in action and that European soccer is set to resume soon gives me hope that it might be safe to begin some of our normal routines. I pray that things go smoothly for these players and for all of us who want to get back to life and sports.

UNSOCIAL DISTANCING

This week we navigated a new issue in the COVID era - how to interact with friends while staying safe.

Cate is very close friends with three boys in a family across the street, including one of her classmates. In normal times, they spend most days playing together outside. However, COVID put a dramatic end to those activities.

In recent weeks, the kids had been doing social distancing bike rides. Slowly, we noticed that the distance was shrinking and that the kids were often right next to each other. We talked with Cate about this, but she assured us that they would be more careful.

However, we noticed that the physicial proximity continued to be a "problem." I put that last word in quotes because these children were doing nothing abnormal, but they were behaving in a pre-COVID way. Ultimately, we talked to Cate about the need to wear a mask outside around them. This upset her quite a bit understandably. Despite trying to reason with her, Cate remained quite upset. Kathleen decided to talk to the other family, and they, too, expressed their concerns about the lack of social distancing. Ultimately, we decided that the kids could only play together for now if they were on opposite sides of the street.

Today, there was lots of remote control car racing with kids stationed in camp chairs across the street. Though there were a few crashes, there were no complaints.

I cannot wait for this pandemic to end. Things like being close to others, touching, being physical may not be necessary, but they sure are sustaining. We'll get there. Until then, we'll be safe.