HAPPY NEW YEAR

Another year has come to an end. It was an eventful year, and it was an especially long year. My boss took a sabbatical this year, so my duties were even greater than usual. That couple with innumerable grant submissions made for much work and little downtime.

Kathleen and the kids took several vacations without me since I had so many deadlines. However, we were able to escape for a much needed, sun-filled vacation in San Diego this week. It was a great opportunity to recharge the battery, unplug to the extent that that is possible, and just be a tourist. Many animals and Lego exhibits were seen, and many Mexican dinners were consumed.

Today, on this last day of 2011, I spent time with the kids and Kathleen's sister. I managed to fit in some time for myself and went to the gym and watched some soccer. We went to the park and kicked the ball around, and now we are watching Harry Potter. All of this might sounds quite.... quotidian, but it was much-needed and a great way to finish the year.

I am not one for resolutions, but there are a few things I vow to do in 2012. I will do a better job of seeing my family and friends and staying in touch. Iwill try to be a more thoughtful husband and patient father. I will try to sign off from work and the Internet once I come home each night. I will put the IPad away and go back to reading more books- at least one per month. I will exercise more regularly and try to increase my flexibility. I will be a more focused principal investigator.

There is no guarantee that I will get all of this done, but I can assure you I will try. Here's to the end of 2011. I hope that 2012 is healthy and happy for me and for you.

AVATAR

The kids and I are obviously huge Barca fans. Each of us has adopted a player as our own. By that I mean we each identify with a particular player on the team. Nicholas is Xavi. Cate is Messi. I am Iniesta. After each match, I give the kids a post-game update and let them know how we each did. It is kind of cute.

Therefore, when I saw action figures of these three players for sale on a soccer site, I had to get them. The figures arrived a few days after Christmas. Santa and the elves were very busy, so Santa shipped them rather than delivering them. Wink. Wink. However, we were grateful to receive them finally, and neither the kids nor I minded the delay.

Introducing avatars for Cate, Nicholas, and me!

THE KING OF CLUBS

Yesterday was the Final of the World Club Cup Championship in Yokohama. This competition pitted the best teams from each of the habitable continents against each other. Barca and the famed Brazilian team Santos met in the Championship. There was a great deal of hype and build-up because each team has its "superstar"- Messi for Barca and the nineteen year-old phenomenon Neymar for Santos.

In the end, though, the match was about one team versus another, and it was no contest. Barca played without a true forward. They positioned three men in defense and seven men in the midfield, or center of the pitch. This enabled them to dominate possession and to work the ball majestically up the field in balletic motion. Messi scored twice. Xavi and Fabregas, both true midfielders, added one apiece. The 4-0 scoreline was anything but an overstatement. See the goals here.

One person clearly in awe was Neymar, who has been linked to moves to several European clubs including Barca and Real Madrid. He reportedly said to the Barca coach Pep Guardiola after the match, "Take me to Barca!"

Unlike Neymar, people may still doubt that this Barca team is the best club team to ever play this game. No achievement to date has quieted their criticism. I have two words for those people: Stayed tuned!

Let's hope that this is just beginning... Forca Barca!

ANOTHER MASTERPIECE

This past weekend, Barcelona faced Real Madrid in another edition of el clasico, the name for their rivalry. Only twenty seconds into the match, Real scored on a giveaway from the Barca keeper. However, from that moment on Barca were in control.

Despite being one goal down at Madrid's stadium, Barca moved a defender into an offensive position. This allowed them to dominate the heart of the pitch known as the midfield. This move paid off because Barca equalized around the thirtieth minute and scored two additional goals in the second half for a well-deserved 3-1 victory. Their performance can only be described as symphonic or melodic, and they made it clear that they are still the best club in the world.

Win or lose, they have a lifelong fan in me and in Nicholas, who was so inspired by Barca that he drew the masterpiece above. In it, his favorite player Xavi is holding two medals. I think Xavi is going to need a few more hands...

Forca Barca!

THE NATURAL

Yesterday, Nicholas played at his first recital. For the past month, he has been working hard to perfect two songs he wrote with his music teacher Jan DeWeese. Nicholas came up with the words, and Jan wrote the music. Ordinarily, it is like pulling teeth to get Nicholas to practice, but he has been much more motivated in the past month due to the recital.

Nicholas was the youngest performer. This meant that he was the first one up. He was calm and collected, and he strolled up to the stage and took his place.

Nicholas was completely at ease, and he really appeared to be enjoying himself. Watch his shoulders sway below!





Here's to many more wonderful performances by Mr. Nicholas. Juilliard, here we come!

TRAINING DAY

So, Catherine got a new bike for her birthday last month. She had been riding a Skuut balance bike without pedals for over one year, but it was time for an old-fashioned two-wheeler.






We bought the bike with training wheels. However, it became apparent after all of one day that she was ready to spread her wings. The videos below say it all. Watch out world!

FRIENDSHIP

My best friend Amit recently visited Portland. I had emailed him on a lark several months back because one of our favorite bands, Bon Iver, was going to be playing in town. I did not expect Amit to be able to make it because he has three young kids, including one year-old twins. However, he said yes... after getting permission from his wife Gillian!

We had not seen each other since last Christmas, but one would not have guessed this. As we began to catch up, it was clear that while much had transpired in our lives in the past year, we were the same friends and our affection was unchanged.

The two of us walked around the Japanese Garden, grabbed a beer at Deschutes Brewery, ate take out from Pok Pok, and reflected on how far we both had traveled in the past 13 years since becoming friends.

That night, Amit, Kathleen, and I went to see Bon Iver. They did not disappoint. It was one of the best concerts I have ever been to. Not just because of the music but also because the company was so good!

That weekend reminded me of the true meaning of friendship and the value of a real friend. I do not do acquaintances. I do not do casual contacts. Life is too short to share air with people that are fickle, undependable, or fair-weather. Sure, I am polite to those people, but I do not care to spend time with them.

I feel lucky to have friends like Amit who never let me down and who always bring something new and special to my life despite how familiar we are. Until I meet Amit or one of you again....here's to my friends!

THREE AT LAST...THREE AT LAST...

It is hard to believe that Catherine Reese turned three last week. Cate's foot next to mine in the same socks is shown below, and she is catching up!


On her birthday, we went to the Timbers game, where we had, among other things, chocolate ice cream!







The following night we had some friends over, and we celebrated for real with a cake. Please note the Tinkerbell meets Star Wars theme.



When I reflect on that cake and Cate at this age, it is obvious that Cate has become quite the individual. She went through several recent school transitions that were quite challenging, but she now seems quite settled. She knows what she likes and dislikes, and there is no better word to describe her than resolute. Some might say stubborn, but we'll call it resolute. Please see a recent New Yorker cover that captures Cate's essence below.



Cate has an amazing sense of self. I call her my little Messi not only for her amazing soccer strike but also because of the effortlessness with which she seems to excel! I cannot wait to see her grow and change! Here's to Cate!

WHAT MAKES STEVE JOBS GREAT

This is a great piece by Joe Nocera of the New York Times from August after Steve announced he was stepping down. Note the Henry Ford parallels. Little did he know...

REST IN PEACE, STEVE

Steve Jobs died today. He was one of the most visionary human beings ever to grace our earth, and he will leave a lasting imprint. I say that not because of the companies he founded or the products he created- although those are earth-shattering- but because of the singular way he led. He is an example to anyone who ever believed that they could create something of value.

Steve had no specific expertise in programming or hardware when he founded Apple Computer. What he had was the ability to imagine the future and what the demands of a modern world would require. How else could he have taken one look at the first prototype of a mouse and say of course this is how we will interface with computers. Only, he improved that device, and now when one utters the word mouse, the first thought that comes to mind is not an animal but a piece of computer hardware. Were it not for his vision, how could he have conceived that music would be cut up and sold so that we could purchase what we wanted whenever we wanted it. He not only convinced the record executives but every music lover on the planet who now consumes music this way.

Who does not have an Ipod? Who does not have an IPhone? How fitting that I heard of his death after logging on to the New York Times on my Ipad and that I could have chosen between my Ipad, my MacBook Air, my MacMini, or this MacBook Pro to write this post. We do not just buy these products. New research shows that we love these products, literally, and that using them activates key pleasure centers in the brain. I could not agree more.

The world is a lesser place without Steve Jobs. His memorable quotes and the ways he changed the world are far too numerous to count. Fittingly, I heard one of my favorite Jobs' lines today from one of the endless stream of remembrances of Steve on Twitter. It came from a commencement address at Stanford in 2005- perhaps the best such address I have ever heard because of its poignancy and its call to arms. In it Steve speaks of life, loss, and death. In many ways it was the story of his life and all of our lives. He closes with a message that is both sweet and simple- much like the many products he helped to create- "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish."

A comment on the New York Times by a reader said now I know how they felt when Henry Ford died. While I am sure the country mourned Mr. Ford's passing, I am confident that the depth of emotion felt around the globe over Steve's passing eclipses the loss of nearly any other person who has ever lived. That is the definition of legacy. I know that I have never felt so sad about the death of someone whom I never met, although I feel as though I really knew the man who introduced me to computing with that first Macintosh model some 27 years ago and who changed the way we live our lives... forever.

I leave you with one of his quotes that captures his essence- "Because the people who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones that do."

Stav Hungry. Stay Foolish. I know I will try to.

MID-LIFE

Last week I celebrated my 38th birthday. This means that I am theoretically at mid-life since the average American male life expectancy is 76. Therefore, this seems like a good time to reflect on the mid-point of my life to date and on this age.

Nineteen years ago, I was a college sophomore. I had decided that I wanted to be a doctor and was majoring in Biology. However, I still had an MCAT to take and numerous courses to ace. Somehow things worked out, and I got in. I am now a physician-scientist and spend my days trying to understand prostate cancer and how to improve the lives of men with this disease.

Nineteen years ago, I was out of shape and did not exercise regularly. Since then, I have run races of every distance from a marathon to a 5K and finished in the top three in my age group several times. I took up soccer last year and can safely say I am no longer the worst guy out there.

Nineteen years ago, I was rather unconfident and had yet to achieve much personally. I had dear friends, but I had not met many people like me. It would have been easy enough to say that I was wrong and the world was right, but I never believed that. Not for one instant despite numerous failed romantic overtures and other false starts. I suppose one could say I had no shame or that I believed that no challenge was too great to tackle. This is a trait that remains with me today and that has served me well.

I ultimately fell in love a few times and spent time with a few individuals until I met my wife. It is hard to believe that it has been eight years of marriage. Do I have eight more in me?

What words would I use to describe me now?

Particular. Driven. Efficient. Critical. Caring. Passionate. Indefatigable. Perturbable. Impatient. Sincere.

Not all of these words are complimentary, but they all describe the person whom I am today at 38. Only about half of them would have described me at 19, and it will be interesting to see which ones describe me at 57 or 76.

I believe that we are the sum of our experiences and that the people who have entered our lives, no matter for how long, shape the people whom we will become. This means that we also influence the development of those around us, and I try to remember that when I am around those pictured below. In their young selves, I already see much of myself: guileless, caring, and intense.

I have no doubt that I will continue to change and that my kids, my family, and my friends will be a big part of that. Here's to another 38 years... I hope!

PROFILES IN COURAGE

I used to think I was a brave and well-equipped kid... until I met my two kids. I am constantly amazed by what they are capable of doing by themselves by comparison to my readiness at their ages. I guess that is probably because they have to be more self-sufficient with two parents that work like mad.

Nicholas wakes up everyday at 6:30 AM. This summer he has been going down all by himself 2 flights of stairs to a dark first floor and dark basement. He is able to turn on the TV and settle in for a cartoon marathon. Additionally, he is not afraid to try and learn new things at which he does not excel- music lessons, soccer, swimming. I, by comparison, was afraid of the dark for much, much longer and do not have his adventurous spirit.

We recently pulled Cate out of her former daycare because it was imploding. We looked at many different schools, and the Montessori school we were most interested in did not have a spot. Therefore, we enrolled her at a daycare nearby. Of course, one day after starting the "new school," the Montessori school called to say they had a spot. So... Cate went to visit her "new new school" and met with her "new new" teacher and carried out a lesson, or task, with her. It was a very formal and structured task quite different from the free-form play Cate is used to. However, Cate was calm and composed and nailed it with aplomb!

I love these kids beyond words not only because they are my own but because they do and know so much. Our lives are more challenging because of them, but are lives are also much more full and fun because of them.

Here's to Cate and Nicholas! These kids are more than all right. They're brave and their grrrrreat!

LOVE IN THE TIME OF CANCER

Today, I saw several patients in clinic. Many of these men were accompanied by their wives. One man in particular who was a former music teacher was the most memorable not only because of his history but also his story. He had surgery for prostate cancer in 1996, and despite that his PSA blood test became abnormal. This meant his cancer had come back. He received radiation in 2005, but his PSA blood test became abnormal again in 2010. He came to see me because his PSA was rising.

The good news for him was that his cancer was not visible on scans and was unlikely to show up during his lifetime because his PSA was changing so slowly. Because he was already 76, he was apt to die of something else and to die before his cancer could cause serious problems in the coming years.

As I asked him about his past history, I also inquired for how long he had been married to the woman by his side. His companion said that they were not married but that they were together. I then asked how long they had known each other. They both smiled and said since first grade.

At that point, I wondered two things- how could two people possibly stay together for that long and what were they smoking? The patient said that while they had been friends in first grade, they had largely grown apart and lived separate lives. Each married another person, and the patient moved away for many years. However, 15 years ago after he moved back, one of his friends "re-introduced" them. The rest is history, and she has been by his side through all of his treatments and recurrences and also many high notes.

Their story was inspiring and brought to mind one of the greatest love stories ever told- "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia-Marquez. I mentioned that to the patient, who said he had a copy at home but that he had never read. Why would he need to, when he had lived to tell his own tale!

GIVING BACK

This past weekend we attended the Arbor Work Party where kids and parents alike chip in and help out at the school. Many people pulled weeds, sanded tables, or planted flowers. Kathleen helped to clean Nicholas' classroom with his teacher Lori, and Nicholas and I went off to the library to shelve books and lend a hand there.

This gave me the opportunity to talk more with Maureen, the school librarian who wields her bullhorn like a football coach during pick up/drop off in the driveway. We talked about what books we have read recently, politics, religion, and about life at Arbor. I mentioned how much Nicholas loves it there, and we came to the topic of one of my favorite traditions at the school- children donate books to the the school on their birthday.



This July, Nicholas happened to be at Summer Camp at Arbor, so he was able to drop off his book last month. He picked one of the "Magic School Bus" books to donate. In it, he wrote a personalized inscription.



Excuse the glare, but it says, "You are the best school for me. Love, Nicholas."

Enough said!

DANCING QUEEN... AND KING

No, this is not a post about Abba. It is about my talented little dancers. Their moves constantly surprise and amaze me, and we are still not sure from whence these skills came. Definitely not from me or Kathleen.

I hope you enjoy Nicholas with accompaniment from Adele and Catherine along with Bon Iver!

SIMPLY THE BEST!

Last month, I traveled to DC. I was not there for a conference or for meetings. Rather, my friend Brooks and I were there for a weekend of Barcelona football. On the night we got in, we went to FedEx field and saw both teams practice. It was incredible to see the skill and preparation of each team, particularly Barca. Shown below is a circle drill Barca commonly practices to gain comfort in passing the ball quickly and in tight quarters. No one does this better than them, and now I know why. Preparation.



The next night, we watched Barca and Man U face off in a "friendly" match that was a re-match of the Champions' League Final from May. Unfortunately, Man U beat the Barca squad that was largely comprised of B team players that was sans Messi :(. However, it was still wondrous to see football played on such a high level by both teams. It will be difficult to go back to watching MLS games after this spectacle.



More than just the football events, it was great to catch up with my friend Brooks and to have some time to myself. We took in the DC sites- mainly indoors because it was in the high 90s! We went to the National Gallery and the Phillips Collection between large cups of iced coffee and gatorade and had a great brunch at Kramerbooks.









During the weekend, we discussed our plans for next year. Brooks begins his second year of medical school, and I have a slew of grants to write and get funded. Before we parted, we also made plans to meet again- hopefully for another soccer weekend somewhere. Can you say annual tradition?

Here is to more beautiful weekends with the best club and one of my best friends!

THE NEW TIMBERS ARMY

I picked up new kits (uniforms) for the kids at the Timbers' store. These two seem like a great fit for the Timbers Army, the club's supporters' group, already... especially the little one!

WORLD CUP 2011

This post is not entitled Women's World Cup because this year no such qualifier is necessary. The level of play, drama, and emotion these past three weeks were unrivaled not only in soccer but in any sporting event.

The US National Team unfortunately lost to a spirited and talented Japanese team that gave new meaning to the term never say die. This no doubt was borne out of the innate Japanese fighting spirit but also the desire to bring some joy to their nuclear- ravaged countrymen. Countless articles will be written about Japan's storybook run, but this is not one of them. I would rather discuss what America's National team has meant to America... even in defeat.

As I write this countless young women and men in this country will be going to bed dreaming of being the next Abby Wambach or Megan Rapinoe (both shown above). These kids, just like me, did not see 11 women playing today, they say 11 Americans giving their all for 120 minutes. It was an emotional and inspiring performance just like their other games these past three weeks. We could not have asked for anything more than what they gave- their all.





Unlike other World Cups, save 1999, when the US defeated China in another penalty kick shutout in the final, this one truly feels different. Perhaps it is because of my own interest in the sport and that of my kids. Little Cate knows no boundaries, and she has a killer left and right foot. She may not make the National Team, but she already knows that she is her only obstacle. Glass ceilings have already been broken for girls of her generation who learned a lot about life's endless possibilities and opportunities these past three weeks watching the World Cup.

Look out world, here they come.

CHAMPIONS LEAGUE RECAP

Yes, I know soccer season is over, but I could not help writing about last year's Champions League. The folks at Hyperakt, a New York-based design firm came up with the graphic above for the New York Times that is quite visually stunning. The center is my favorite part.

Below, you will find a great link to the Final with music courtesy of Adele, one of my favorite new singers, and commentary courtesy of the great Martin Tyler.



A season last last year comes around once in a lifetime, and I am glad that it is the year that I decided to become a true fan of the beautiful game and of Barca.

INDEPENDENCE DAY

No, this is not a repeat of a recent post- just some homophony at play. This post is about the Arbor Graduation ceremony that we attended yesterday.



For that occasion, Nicholas got dressed up in his best duds, and he could not contain his excitement despite not napping that day. Principally, he was excited because his Senior buddy named Alex would be graduating that day. As I have mentioned previously, every younger child at Arbor is matched up with an older student, and the kindergartners are paired up with an eighth grader, or Senior. Today was the last day for the Seniors to say goodbye to the school and for their little buddies like Nicholas to say goodbye to them.

To say that Graduation Day is the event of the school year would be an understatement because each Senior and his/her mentor has the opportunity to discuss his/her Senior Independent Project and to address the school for several minutes. The speeches are not pre-screened and often come straight from the heart. In many cases, the Seniors give a shout out to their buddies, which always elicits strong emotions.

Alex was one of the last students to present, and his was arguably the most emotional. His address in its entirety is shown here. Yes, Alex is only 13 or 14. Afterwards, even I had a few tears in my eyes after hearing what Arbor had meant to Alex and how Alex hoped Nicholas would have the same experience.

After the ceremony, we found Alex, and I gave him a big hug. I told him I was proud of him. I thanked him for what he had been for our son- a role model, a friend, and a compass in a new world for our son that was often unfamiliar, sometimes scary, but always loving. I told Alex that if I could ever be of help to him, I wanted him to let me know. He smiled and nodded and gave Nicholas one last hug.



As we boarded the bus that carried us back to the parking lot, I saw a man that bore a striking resemblance to Alex. I asked him if he was Alex's dad, and the man confirmed that he was. I told him he had a wonderful son, and he asked me how I, too, had come to discover Arbor for my own son. I said it was from word of mouth but that the words I had heard did not do justice to the school- perhaps the single best gift my children may ever receive...

WHAT I WANT TO BE WHEN I GROW UP

One of the funnest parts of my day is when Cate comes down after she wakes up to eat breakfast with me. We are generally alone because Nicholas usually plays upstairs before coming down and Kathleen is usually upstairs getting ready.

After I get Cate set up in her high chair with her vitamin, cup of milk, and oatmeal, we talk about a lot of things. Sometimes, I have the camera ready. Last night Cate volunteered to Kathleen that she wants to be a doctor when she grows up. I had never heard her express such a sentiment, so I decided to ask her about it this morning.

I promise not to hold you to this Cate, and I will understand if you decide to do something else. However, you are one of the smartest and kindest people whom I have ever met, and you would make one hell of a doctor someday, kiddo!

INDEPENDENTS' DAY

This month the kindergartners and first graders in Nicholas' class all presented their independent projects. Yes, you heard it right- independent projects.

For this assignment, each child selected a topic he/she was interested in, researched the topic, and then prepared an oral presentation complete with visuals. The only requirement was that the child found the topic interesting.

Topics ranged from Michael Jackson, to Atlantis, to the Portland Timbers. Nicholas selected the subject of "Stringed instruments from around the world." No doubt he chose this subject because of his music lessons and his love of music.

We bought a large piece of poster board for him to work with and construction paper for the various topics. Nicholas checked out several books about musical instruments, talked to his music teacher Laura at school and his ukulele teacher Jan, and consulted Wikipedia on my Ipad with my help.

Nicholas decided to focus on four stringed instruments and included information on when these instruments were first invented, where they were invented, how many strings each one generally has, and the name of a famous player.

Nicholas also played a song he wrote called "Singing on a Checkerboard" for the class that was a big hit!

Afterwards, he took questions and comments.

I was amazed by his poise, his confidence, his expertise, and his independence not only during the presentation to the class but also in the preparation of this project. Yes reader, he is five and in kindergarten.



I can only imagine what he will decide to do next year and what his eighth grade "Senior Project" will be. Regardless, this year's act will be tough to follow!

LAST DAY OF SCHOOL

Yesterday was Nicholas' last day of school. It is hard to believe how quickly this year has flown by and how much Nicholas has grown in every way- physically, mentally, and emotionally. Here are some highlights.

Nicholas can read, write, solve equations, and express his feelings in painting, poetry, or pottery. He is confident and looks people, including grown-ups, in the eye when he talks to them. His passion when discussing his interests is uncontainable. His encyclopedic knowledge now extends beyond animals to instruments and all things Star Wars (FYI, if you are wondering what to get him for his birthday next month, the answer is Star Wars).

There are people from his class whom he loves dearly and who love him dearly. These include not only his friends but his teachers Lori and Toby pictured below, whom he will have for a second year due to the mixed grade classes. Yippee!





The list of other changes is innumerable but all together positive. Indeed, sometimes it is easy to forget that Nicholas is still a little boy and not yet six years old. He constantly surprises and amazes me, and I have enjoyed this year immensely. I look forward to many more wondrous years ahead at Arbor, and I look forward to watching him grow into the boy whom he will become.

NINE MONTHS

This is not a post about the normal human gestation period in my wife or anyone else's wife for that matter. Nine months is the expected survival duration I quoted today to Mr. H, a 51 year-old man whose metastatic prostate cancer had exploded through two prior therapies.

Until last Fall, Mr. H had been working as a general contractor building houses. At that time, he found it increasingly more difficult to bounce back from a hard day's work due to bone pain and fatigue. He finally landed in an emergency room and was found to have a body riddled with prostate cancer. He was started on standard hormonal treatments and received palliative radiation therapy, but the benefit was fleeting. That is how he arrived in my clinic accompanied by his supportive ex-wife today.

We talked about his current symptoms, and we talked about the next steps: MRI of the spine to rule out compression of the spinal cord from his cancer, pain management, and chemotherapy. This naturally led to a discussion of his dire prognosis and what to expect.

I tried to tell him that the numbers we quote in Oncology are imprecise and that if I had a crystal ball I would be in Vegas at the tables. However, I also shared with him data from prior clinical trials that demonstrated that men like him live on average only nine to twelve additional months even with aggressive chemotherapy.

Understandably, he broke down, and he explained that he had two sons- one eight and another five whom he had not yet prepared for such bad news and with whom he still had much, much more to do. He said he had scheduled a trip to Lake Tahoe with them later this week, and he wondered if he could still go.

His condition was grave, and it was urgent that we start chemotherapy as soon as possible. However, I knew that his disease was incurable and that delaying his treatment by two weeks would make no appreciable difference to his cancer outcome but that it might make a significant difference to his boys and to him. Without missing a beat, I looked him in the eyes and told him to take the trip. I also explained that we had resources and strategies through our social workers to help him talk to his kids about his disease. Yet, deep down I knew that there were no easy answers for how to explain to his sweet kids that they were going to lose their dad.

We used a lot of tissues in that clinic room today, and no amount of time or experience makes these conversations any easier. Despite feeling emotionally drained, I was able to continue in clinic today for three reasons: 1) I knew that it was my duty to do everything humanly possible to make the care and experience of Mr. H and my other patients as optimal as possible in the face of cancer and such horrific odds, 2) I knew that my problems that day were nothing compared to Mr. H's and the rest of my patients, and 3) I knew that the only way to get home to my own smiling, innocent children was to forge on and grind that clinic out.



This afternoon, I was rewarded with many thank yous from my patients for the care I provide to them, and later this evening I was rewarded with with many hugs, kisses, and jokes from my own two kids. Only nine years with them would be unthinkable. Only nine months... well, that would be just plain cruel.

MY KIND OF TOWN... PORTLAND IS

This past week Kathleen and I travelled to Chicago for the annual American Society of Clinical Oncology meeting. Kathleen's sister Laura was kind enough to come down from Tacoma to help out and watch the kids at our house. This meant that we were on our own. Yippee!

On the first night, we met some friends at the Chocolate Bar in the Peninsula Hotel that has an all you an eat dessert buffet. The next day, we went to the meeting. However, we also snuck in an hour at the Art Institute of Chicago, one of my favorite museums of all time. There, we saw:


the "Chagall Windows"


Seurat's "Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte"


and Picasso's "The Old Guitarist" among many others.

Another night, we had deep dish pizza at Gino's (forget about Giordano's) and saw the movie "Bridesmaids" that was absolutely hilarious.

On our final night, we again met some friends. First, we had small plates and cava at a fine restaurant called Avec and later went to a rooftop bar called C-View at the Affinia Hotel for drinks. What a night and what a week!

However, despite all the revelry and time for bonding, I missed my two little guys more than I can describe. I thought of them all week, and even kept a hand-written note from Nicholas in my wallet that is reproduced below.



Though no translation is necessary, it says, "Dear dad, I hope you have a good trip. Love, Nicholas."

While Chicago is a great town and while this vacation was great, home is where the heart is. Now that I am back in town with these two little people, there is no place I would rather be... than in Portland.