THE NEXT BIG CHALLENGE IN YOUR LIFE

I have become quite the fan of podcasts in the past year. My favorite episode - one that I keep coming back to - is a talk by David Brooks on the Aspen Ideas Podcast called, "The Second Mountain: The Next Big Challenge in Your Life."

You can watch the entire episode here:

In the podcast, Brooks first talks about the first mountain - a very self-centered and personal ascent to gain notoriety or expertise in one's field of study or job. That is a natural ascent for nearly all of us who are lucky enough to work in a field that allows for growth and skill acquisition. However, after climbing that mountain over several years, one's perspective changes. What seemed so important - personal success, fame, power - lose their luster. It is at this time, when one is in "the valley" phase after descending from one's first mountain, that true reflection can happen.

I have spent the past 11 years trying to become a successful prostate cancer researcher and oncologist. There are many who are more accomplished than me, but I have been very fortunate to successfully obtain grants, publish manuscripts, and gain some degree of respect by my peers. While I am grateful for all those things, I often ask myself what would truly make me feel fulfilled? What mountain do I want to climb next?

There is probably not one right mountain, but what I keep coming back to is that fulfillment lies in making that ascent with the right climbing party. What does that look like? It would be a group of people who put excellence first and ego second. People who want to scale the greatest heights that others view as unascendable. People who view the journey as being as important as the destination.

I often think of soccer when I think of this second mountain, and Barca is paradigmatic. The best players come to that club not to finish their careers but to really let their careers begin. For it is by playing with the best in one of the most storied clubs that one can truly take off. I think of youth players like Messi, Iniesta, or Xavi, but also players like Rakitic, Neymar, and Suarez who learned to play at the highest level imaginable. I suspect for them, the privilege of playing at Barca with such a tremendous collection of individuals has been a reward in itself. I, too, dream of this sort of transcendence when the entire team is pushing in the same direction, where each person has a part to play, and where great victories are almost a given. That is my second mountain - to continue to grow and improve while also improving those around me.

Now, I just need the courage to take that first step.

WINNING NUMBER

A37105496. That is the number my Permanent Resident, or green card, was emblazoned with when I came to the U.S. in 1984. Despite the fact that it has been 15 years since I became a citizen and no longer needed that document, I still remember that number. That is because your life is linked to your "papers" and your "alien number" if you are an immigrant - or at least an immigrant who was fortunate enough to come to the U.S. through traditional channels

I thought more about my number in recent weeks when news broke about the forceful separation of parents and children who were undocumented immigrants in the U.S. These people did not have a number like me, but they had an even greater right to be here.

My family came for educational opportunity from another first world nation - Canada. On the other hand, the families torn apart by this administration's policies were seeking refuge from abject poverty, abuse, or even death. Who is to say that they have less right to come here than someone like me who "stood in line."

I do not know the hardship and pain those families feel. When I try to imagine what it would feel like to lose my children, or even to be forcibly separated from them for a few hours or days, my heart breaks. We are all immigrants, and we can all take a stand against this injustice. Call your congressperson, vote him/her out of office if they do not fight for immigration reform and the rights of those who are undocumented, and thank your lucky stars that you or your ancestors were able to come here when they did - probably by the same means as those from Central America today - by not standing in line.

While times are surely dark, there is reason to be hopeful and to believe that change will be possible. My own brother was sworn in (finally) as a U.S. citizen last week. That is one more Texas voter! Now, I need to convince my sister, who is still a Canadian citizen despite having lived her for 34 years, to do the same before it is too late.

May we never forgot the privilege and responsibility of being an American citizen, and may those who persevere against all odds to come here to start a better life get that opportunity to do so with their families and lives intact.

Vote!

TAKING SIDES

I have always tried to teach my children that justice is the highest principle and that character is the highest value. However, sometimes life and its events are even greater teachers than me.

Recently, on graduation night, Nicholas gathered with all of his seventh grade classmates at a friend's house.  Late in the evening, the children retired to the lawn to eat their pizza dinner and watch a movie. During the movie, a group of boys began to throw candy at one of Nicholas' classmates. Despite protests from this boy - and Nicholas who was sitting nearby, things escalated. Next, pizza was thrown at the boy, hitting not only him but Nicholas and other boys nearby. Undeterred, full cans of water and soda next rained down from the sky, hitting several boys.

While it was clear what was happening, apparently Nicholas and this boy were the only ones who called out these perpetrators or attempted to stop their behavior. In fact, several boys may have actually encouraged the perpetrators to escalate their actions. Finally, Nicholas and the boy who had apparently been targeted found the courage to find Kathleen and explain that kids were misbehaving. Kathleen and other parents quickly descended on the area and ended the party. It is a good thing I was not there because I am not sure I would have handled things as calmly as the parents who were on site.

As he left the party, Nicholas was literally shaking and in tears. His grief was somewhat assuaged by kind words via text message from many of the girls in his class who had witnessed the events. 

The next morning after learning what had happened, I spoke to the parents of the boy who had been targeted. Unsurprisingly, they were unaware of what had happened because there son did not share it with them. These parents expressed gratitude to Nicholas for speaking up and for standing up for their son. I told them that no thanks were necessary and that it was my hope that their son would do the same thing for Nicholas if he were ever in that situation.

After speaking more with Nicholas that day, I found many things troubling. First, apparently none of the children who witnessed these events appeared to be surprised by the behavior of the perpetrators. Second, no other child attempted to intervene to help the boy who had been targeted.  Further, that Nicholas said that these same perpetrators often coordinately target this boy at school to try and provoke him sickened me. In those instances, Nicholas said he often tries to calm his friend down and explain that these boys are just trying to get under his skin. 

Nicholas, himself, was bullied by classmates during sixth grade. While that seems to have stopped, it clearly left a lasting impression on him. When I asked him then about those bullies’ actions, his response was simple: these boys did not have a problem with me for six years, so maybe the problem is with them rather than something wrong with me. I am so proud that he stood up for his friend at the party, despite knowing that he may now be at risk of having a target on his back again. I assured Nicholas that the school and I would take serious measures to ensure that this behavior did not happen again and that those responsible would be held to account.

Growing up is hard. Co-existing with people who are different is hard. Learning how to navigate one’s own self-esteem and interpersonal interaction issues is hard. That is why it is critical that we prepare all children to navigate these challenges - especially when they are still young and impressionable.

Several weeks ago before the events of the party, Nicholas shared with me that he was studying “Night” and “Anne Frank" at school. When I heard that, I shared with him a powerful quote from the German theologian Martin Niemoller. It is a quote that was very relevant during the Nazi era, the night of the party, and the next day after learning more about his classmate's experiences with bullying. It is a quote that one cannot be reminded of too frequently:

First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out— 
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.

Whether it is the horrors of bullying, the totalitarianism of our President and his enablers, or the injustice and indifference of the Supreme Court, we all have an obligation to make our voices heard and to stand up to power. That is the lesson I have tried to teach Nicholas and Cate. 

I have never been prouder of this boy and know that he understands the importance of taking sides. In the cruel and tumultuous world we find ourselves in, I will try my best to live up to his example.

GOOD NIGHT, SWEET PRINCE

They say that all goof things must come to an end. However, I never really dreamt that they would come to an end for Iniesta.

I was written about Iniesta before here, and words cannot capture what he has meant to my life. To say that he was an inspiration would not do his deeds justice. In fact, there are no words - only feelings - that capture what this man means to me.

Much of our life is drudgery, biding time, or waiting for something big to happen. However, that was anything but what I experienced week in and week out tuning into Barca or Spanish national team games for the past 8 years after I first discovered football and fell in love with the game.

Iniesta more than anyone kindled that fire in South Africa with his metronomic passing and the way he made the game come to life - like an athletic symphony or ballet. I had never seen anything live - save my children - as beautiful as that and not sure I will.

The statistics will support my claim that he is the greatest Spanish player of all time and the greatest midfielder of all time. However, statistics do not capture what Don Andres did on the field week in and week out. He always gave it his all. He always found a way to get out of the most precarious situations without losing the ball and with flair to boot. He always put the team first and prized team victories over individual ones. That he never won the Balon d'Or awarded to the best world football player is a crime, but I know he will not lose any sleep over this. He was too busy playing with his friends and achieving feat after feat.

Rather than lament the things he achieved, we will miss how he achieved them and the beauty in every touch, dribble, pass, or connection. When I see him move with his teammates - the understanding so omnipresent - I cannot help but feel jealous. For this is the greatest gift life can give us - human connection, especially with those who are not bound to us by blood or marriage. It is what I have found so damn evasive in life: understanding and appreciation at once. For me, Iniesta will always personify that, and watching him play reminds me of what we should aspire towards.

The soccer announcer Ray Hudson said it best yesterday when discussing what Iniesta's next destination might be. He said I hope he goes to a league where I will never see him play again. He wanted to remember him on his last night in a Barcelona shirt leaving on top, rather than playing with third rate teammates without his full faculties. I agree. The images below taken hours after his last match in an empty Camp Nou will always haunt me because they speak to how much this player means to the club and how much the club means to him. However, these images pale in comparison to the many delightful moments Iniesta has given me. He is a man for all seasons the likes of which we will never see again.

Good night, sweet prince.

HERO

There are many people who have had a profound influence on my life: my parents, my brother and sister, my friends, and teachers and mentors. However, there is another individual whom I have never met who has had an equally profound influence on my life: Andres Lujan Iniesta, the diminutive midfield maestro for Barca and the Spanish National Team. Tonight, may have been his last final in a Barca shirt, so I thought it was a fitting time to pay tribute to El Illusionaista (the ghost) as he is known to his fans.

Eight years ago, I had never even kicked a soccer ball. For me, soccer was something that came around every four years at the World Cup. I might have watched two full soccer matches prior to 2010, but all of that changed when I witnessed Iniesta and his Spanish teammates take on the rest of the world in South Africa. That they appeared to ping the ball around like a video game and imperiously put their opponents to the sword was part of the appeal. More than that, though, it was the work rate and anticipation, and imposition of their philosophy of play that I quickly came to recognize and admire. That tournament culminated in a lively final against the Dutch, and the game was only decided in extra time by guess who: Andres Iniesta.

After that final, I sought out Iniesta and many of his teammates on television and immediately recognized the Spanish National Team style in that of Iniesta's club team FC Barcelona. I have witnessed them play on television hundreds of time in the past eight years and have even had the goo fortune to see them play in person some 6-7 times. Each time, fortunately, Iniesta has graced the field, and it has always been a pleasure to see el maestro at work.

Beyond his exceptional vision, anticipation, touch, and evasiveness, Iniesta is also a gentleman - a true personification of everything that is good in sport and in life: honest, hard-working, virtuous, and passionate. We may never see a player like him again, which is why I feel so honored to have witnessed him play in the prime of his career.

Life's transitions are hard, and I know Iniesta will do whatever is best for him and his family at the end of this season. He has been linked with a big contract in the Chinese Super League, where he might play out his final years. However, today's performance in the Copa del Rey final will hopefully make him reconsider retirement from Barca.

On the field today, Iniesta turned back the clock and dictated play as the midfield general. He was all over the pitch, combining with his teammates, and he even managed to score a beautiful goal off a one-two pass with Messi. A fitting tribute to this little man, who is a giant of a player. The final scoreline was 5-0, what they call in Spain a "manita," or little hand for its five fingers. After tonight, we all raise our hands to Iniesta just like the fans at the Wanda Metropiltana Stadium as we bow to him and bay "Iniesta, Iniesta!"

Good night sweet price. Thank you for helping me to appreciate the beautiful game known as football. We will never forget you! You have touched me in more ways than I can count. Thank you!

A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

Last week, we had a joyous time in Barcelona seeing the sights, visiting with friends, and taking in two Barca matches. In those 2 games, Barca outscored its opponents 7-2. That scoreline might lead you to believe that Barca looked invincible. However, I was left with a very different sensation- one of frailty.

That both wins came through a mix of good fortune and opponent ineptitude are not the only explanations for my feeling. The team seemed to lack any cohesiveness and was merely waiting for Messi to work his magic to get them out of a jam. Thus, yesterday's woeful, disgraceful 3-0 loss and exit in the Champions League did not come as a complete surprise.

This is the third straight year Barca has been eliminated in the Champions League, having lost one of the two legs of those ties by score lines of 2-0, 3-0, and again 3-0. Their was an utter lack urgency, attention, and steel in all of those defeat, but none more than yesterday.The team was simply unrecognizable.

The game plan should have been to go to Rome to win. With that mentality and a crucial away goal, Roma would have need 4 goals just to level things and get to extra time. However, Barca never attacked, never controlled, and seemed to merely sit back and hope to absorb the countless blows Roma dealt. Ninety minutes is an eternity, especially when your team is playing like a steaming pile of dung.

There is plenty of blame to go around. The coach did not prepare his side well. The team had not been rotated sufficiently in recent weeks. The lineup was poor. The lack of substitutions until very late on - and the incorrect substitutions - when they happened were the major determinants. However, the 11 players we fielded were good enough to not lose 3-0. They did not do their jobs, plain and simple, and they are to be derided and criticized for going out this way and letting down their fans and club.

Mes que un club is supposed to be Barca's motto. That means that life is about more than just results. That, too, means that how one plays -win or lose - matters, and if one is not giving one's all, one fails even if the scoreline says otherwise.

I do not see a road back for Barcelona in Europe unless they rediscover what once made them great. A strong and thriving development system whose principles and ideals and way of playing flow throughout the club's system all the way to the first time is a major missing piece. Having the best players at each position who understand what our philosophy is and who can execute it is also needed. Many players will need to make way, and we should buy the best while also promoting our best from within. Valverde, the coach, has brought pragmatism, but his run of non-defeats in league and Champions League feel pyrrhic. He lost the fans' belief in him last night, and he may have also lost the players'.

Gutted is the only word I can use to describe how disappointed I feel. It is as though a family member has died once again anew this spring like the last two years. To find peace, I am going to need to meditate more, or I am going to need Barca to work its way out of this morass.

CATE'S GLORY

Cate is many things: smart, driven, opinionated. However, one area we have been working on is empathy. For this reason, I was touched by a recent story her teacher shared with me that is excerpted below.

Before we get too far into break, I wanted to drop you a quick note to let you know about a noteworthy moment in P.E. on Friday. First, I'll give you a little background information. We were playing Gagaball, and the important things to know about the game for this anecdote are: 1) there are no teams, so everyone is against everyone else and when you get "out" you are in Jail until the person who got you out gets out or a Jailbreak is called, and 2) in addition to the conventional way of getting out by being hit by a ball, if you fall down (and a body part other than your hands or feet touches the ground), you are out. Cate, is very goodat Gagaball--which means that the players she gets out are often stuck in Jail for a long time. On Friday, she got --- out and when he was finally released by a Jailbreak, he stood up and she got him out again. The next time he re-entered the game, he lasted a little bit longer, but, again, Cate got him. He sat down in Jail grumbling, "I guess I'll wait for another Jailbreak..." and started tearing up. Cate happened to be nearby, noticed him tearing up and looked like she was about to ask either what was wrong or what she could do, but promptly realized that she was likely the reason why he was crying. So she fell down. She just dropped to the ground and then moved herself into Jail. I nudged --- to let him know he was back in and his face lit up and he jumped up with excitement as he ran back into the game. I caught Cate's eye and quietly told her Thank You because that was the most compassionate act of kindness I have seen in a long time.

What a story and what a girl! I hope she continues to grow and that people remember her at least as much for her kindness as her imperiousness!