THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!

I visited Seattle this past week to give a seminar and visiting professorship. However, this trip was more than about academics. It was a chance to catch up with dear friends, some of whom I have known for 15 years and who are among my closest collaborators. 

Time not only breeds content, but it also breeds connection. It was so wonderful to spend two days with them catching up and finding out how their lives are going. The trip made me realize how lonely the past five years here have been and how limited my friend circle is. 

There are several explanations for why it is hard to make new friends as one gets older. We are pulled in many directions by work, kids, parents, and marriage. There are fewer opportunities during the day to see each other because of work from home. People want to disengage from work, so seeing a work colleague after hours is not necessarily top of the list.

It made me sad to think that this was my situation and that there was not an easy fix to solve it. However, I was reminded just how lucky I have been all my life with such amazing friend groups each step of the way and how it takes work to build community.

It was interesting that one of my colleagues in Seattle remarked to me that I seemed to adjust well to change and find ways to connect with others. I did not have an explanation in the moment. However, as I reflected, I realized that these were skills I was forced to learn after attending five different schools in five years growing up with our many moves first from Canada to Oklahoma City, then to Round Rock, and finally to Wells Branch. When you are an Indian kid with a funny accent amidst a sea of people unlike yourself, you have to find common ground. 

I have never thanked mom and dad for the skills and resilience I built up during those moves - mainly because I did not approve or understand these moves in the moment or for many years after. Now though, I do understand what those moves did for me and how they influenced the rest of my life. Connection and closeness are incredibly important to me, and that is probably because there were so many times that I struggled to find those things. If the past is a guide, I will hopefully find my people again. Until then, I will keep trying!