BEGIN AGAIN

This past weekend, two of Kathleen's friends texted me to see if they could borrow our kids. This was because they wanted to see the kids'  movie, "How to Train Your Dragon, Part II," and they thought babysitting would be the perfect cover to do so. I enthusiastically agreed, which meant Kathleen and I got to see a movie. We decided on "Begin Again" from the director of the film "Once."

"Begin Again" is the story of two lost souls - one played by Keira Knightley and another by Mark Ruffalo - who are both in the music business and who have both lost out in their love lives. However, this is not you typical romantic comedy of falling in love. Rather, this is a movie about finding one's self and rekindling one's passion in all things musical.

It is a light movie, and one that hit the spot for me in this world of cynicism and dejection (see our politics, our world affairs, and our warming planet). The soundtrack is quite good, and the acting more than makes up for the unbelievable plot. I can sure you "Begin Again" will not walk away with any Oscar. However, it may just walk away with your heart!

BEDTIME RITUAL

Each night, Kathleen and I take turns reading stories with the kids before bedtime. As they have gotten older, Cate and Nicholas have become the primary readers, and we have become the listeners. However, I was reminded last night that these two are still little guys.

First, Nicholas fell asleep like a sack of potatoes in our bed. We could not rouse him, and Kathleen had to carry him into our bed. Not to be undone, Cate claimed she was unable to fall asleep because it was too hot in her room. I turned on the fan for her and tucked her into bed. However, approximately 10 minutes later, she came back into our room and said she could not sleep because she had a bad dream. I asked her what it was about, and she replied, "I think I saw a ghost. I am afraid to sleep in my bed, and have I mentioned it is hot in there." I walked her back in and explained to her that there was no such thing as ghosts. I also said that my room looked out onto the hallway, so I would be able to see and catch any ghosts that might try to make their way into her room. That seemed to satisfy her, and she snuggled back into bed.

You see, bedtime is many things in our house. However, boring is one thing it never is.

THERE IS NOTHING CHILDISH ABOUT CHILDHOOD

My children never cease to amaze me, and they always seem to remind me that there is nothing childish about childhood. 

Yesterday, Nicholas reminded me just how challenging some of the "simple" moments of life can be when I dropped him off at soccer practice. Ordinarily, I am not the one to drop him off, but I got home early yesterday, so I took him. 

When we walked into the practice facility, Nicholas said he wanted to hang out with me rather than join the other boys who were playing an impromptu game of soccer prior to practice. I encouraged Nicholas to join the group that included many of the kids from his team. Nicholas looked over at the boys wistfully, but he did not join them. He said that he wanted to save his energy until practice started. 

A few minutes later I told him I was heading out and that he should go have some fun. He stayed at the fence watching the other boys and said he was going to rest until practice started. Mind you, he was plenty rested, and he is one of the most energetic people I know. 

That night I shared this anecdote with Kathleen. She said that that was pretty typical behavior for Nicholas before practice and that she was not surprised. 

It then hit me that joining in with that group of boys - many of whom he has been playing with for three months - was still an incredibly difficult situation for him to navigate. He must have been thinking: How should I behave? What should I talk about on the field with these boys whom I do not know that well? Why is it so easy for the other kids to be out there?

Not surprisingly, they say that recess is the hardest part of the day for kids. That is because the play is unstructured and one often has to join activities that are already in progress. 

I wish I could say that these types of interactions become seamless as one gets older, but the truth is that they do not. Navigating unfamiliar and uncomfortable situations is part of life - especially for children. 

We will do our part to give Nicholas the tools and confidence to meet this and other challenges. We will start by going to the soccer team's carnival this weekend. I cannot promise him that that, too, will be without uncomfortable moments. However, I know that once people get to know Nicholas and he gets to know them, mutual appreciation and friendship are the rule and not the exception.

Like I said, there is nothing childish about childhood.

WHAT IS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN

Today, right before I left Cate's classroom, I picked up a poem that had been left for all the children's parents. It was by Naomi Shihab-Nye, a Palestinian-American who is the unofficial poet laureate of Arbor.

The poem may be found here, but I suggest you grab a box of tissues before reading it.

Between tears, I now appreciate my mother's and father's ancient eyes.

FIRST DAY

I have always found first days of any kind to be difficult. However, I found today - Cate's first day of kindergarten - to be especially difficult. This is because it hit me today just how quickly this little one is growing up.

It is incomprehensible that it has been almost six years since we brought Cate home from the hospital. During those six years, Cate has developed into a wonderful little person with quirks and a character all her own.

Cate is accomplished. She can read, write, and do math. She is an incredibly athletic person, and she picks up new activities easily and quickly. In fact, she recently beat me in chess after only playing a dozen or so times. Some feat!

Despite her aptitude for so many things, I was reminded today when Kathleen and I took her to school today that deep down Cate is still a child. Cate was shy in the classroom (gasps of incredulity), and she said she did not want us to go. Her teacher quickly re-directed her to a game, but Cate seemed reticent to be on her own... to take this step away from us.

To avoid a long, drawn-out goodbye, Kathleen and I gave her a hug and reassured her that she would have a great day. Then, we walked out.

At the door, I turned to snap a picture hoping that Cate would be immersed in the classroom activities. However, I found her standing in the door (see below). She was not crying, but the look on her face said, "Am I ready for this dad? Are you ready for this dad?"

The answer to the former question is clearly yes. However, the answer to the latter is clearly no based on how I feel as I type this.

Tonight, we talked about Cate's day. Cate gave me a detailed play by play just like when Nicholas was a primary. She spoke with an excited yet matter of fact tone. She had no negative words to say.

Cate has been ready for this day for sometime, and today merely marked the beginning of a new chapter of Cate's life - a chapter that will be richer than the last six years spent largely with us. I cannot wait to see what lies ahead, but that does not mean that my heart is unbroken.

Time flies. Hugs your little ones up! I know I did tonight!

BOYHOOD

Tonight I watched Richard Linklater's new film "Boyhood." Quite simply, it was one of the best movies I have ever seen.

The film was shot over 12 years and involved a small corp of the same actors. The fact that they all returned for several days of filming on an annual basis is quite remarkable. Because of this, the film feels all the more real as we see each actor/character age in real time.

The focus of the film is on Mason, Jr (MJ) played by Ellar Coltrane. MJ is only six years old when the films begins, but he turns eighteen when the movie concludes. Through the course of the film, we see his family's ups and downs and how his experiences shape him into the young man whom he becomes.

His parents' choices, which are often poor, play a major role in his development, and one comes to appreciate how we are truly the sum of our experiences and the circumstances in which we have been placed. At its core, "Boyhood" is really about resilience and finding one's way in a life that is filled with obstacles and in which time moves so fast.

As I watched the film, I reminisced about my own childhood and the transition from child to adolescent to adult. I thought about how ill-equipped I was at so many times in my life and how that was probably quite age-appropriate.  I also thought about how my childhood has influenced my worldview and way of being in nearly every respect. This is no surprise, but "Boyhood" made me realize just how impressionable we all are.

The film also made me think about my own children and their childhoods. Primarily, I thought of Nicholas. This is not only because he is a boy like MJ but because he is older than Cate. Indeed, Nicholas just turned nine, which means he is halfway through his own childhood.

Think about that for a second. Nicholas has already lived one-half of the time he will be in this house with us. That blows me away.

When Nicholas and Cate are gone, I will miss them more than I can possibly imagine, even after seeing this film. I want to cherish and take advantage of every second I have with him and Cate.  Eighteen years is simply not long enough. Have I mentioned that Portland has some wonderful colleges?

Moreover, the movie made me think of how to parent. The lesson is not to behave as though a camera is in the room filming your interaction with your kids. Rather, the lesson is to behave as though you were your own child. How would you want to be treated? What kind of example would you want your kids to see? Easier said than done, but I will do better.

There are moments in life that make one take stock. Moments or events that shed a light where only darkness or ignorance once existed. For me, "Boyhood" made me appreciate how beautiful, fleeting, and remarkable childhood can be. For that important reminder, I thank Mr. Linklater and these wonderful actors. Go experience "Boyhood" for yourself! You will not regret it.

SUMMER BREAK

I went on summer vacation last week. This may not seem like news. However, I have spent the past three summers writing grants that prevented me from going on vacation. Since, my lab is in a good funding position currently, I decided to take a break this summer and forgo writing any grant applications.

In the past few years, Kathleen and the kids have traveled to Minnesota to visit her family in the summer. Oftentimes, they rent a house on lake up North, and the kids rave about how much fun it is. This summer was my first trip to the lake with them and Kathleen's family.

The rental house was modest but very comfortable and spacious. Importantly, the backyard led directly to the lake with a dock. This made water activities - swimming, fishing, kayaking, and canoeing quite easy. 

The kids spent a good deal of time on the lake with their cousins while I spent quite a bit of time just relaxing. I read two books, took many photos, and stared at the lake and my little people frolicking in it quite a bit.

More than once, I marveled at how relaxed I felt and how at ease I felt to be away. Sure, I still checked email and surfed the web on our spotty cellular and wireless connections. However, I also felt detached from work and attached to life and my family more than anytime in recent memory. Importantly, each day was simple and filled with communal meals, exercise, trips to town. There was no rushing about, no multi-tasking, no pressure.

For a few moments, I thought about what my life might be like in a small town like Nisswa, MN. I realized that there would be stresses or disconcerting aspects of living there, but I was also struck by how much simpler life would be. 

I am not ready to jump ship or leave the city, but this trip helped me to appreciate the value of focusing more on living life rather than simply jumping from one crisis to the next. 

Here's to summer vacation and recharging one's battery! I cannot wait for the next break, wherever that might be!