Since the COVID crisis began several weeks ago, I have given a lot of thought about what it means to be a doctor and why I chose you in the first place.
If you would have asked me pre-COVID, I would have said that I went into medicine because I loved science and the chance to help people. However, there are a lot of jobs that allow one to do science or help people. Why medicine? It is a good question, and a global pandemic has a way of clarifying things.
The road to becoming a doctor is long, and there are certainly more lucrative or easy careers. In retrospect, I spent most of my twenties in classrooms or in hospitals learning my trade and attempting to become an expert. I never thought of this as a sacrifice because I was doing exactly what I wanted to do. I have never regretted the long hours or "demands" of the job. In fact, the best years of my life have been the past twenty-seven in this profession. I could not imagine doing anything else, and I must imagine that athletes like Kobe Bryant or other professionals who dedicate themselves to a cause bigger than themselves feel the same way.
It is that desire to be a part of something bigger than one's self and to try to make the biggest difference possible that led me to change institutions this past summer. The past eight months have been the most challenging time in my life. However, the past eight months have taught me that I am stronger than I knew I was and that - with the help of others - one can overcome any obstacle. In so many ways, my life in medicine and this move have prepared me for this moment.
When the COVID crisis hit, I was afraid of what might happen to me, even though I was not on the front lines in the emergency room or in the intensive care unit. Despite being mostly laboratory research-focused these days, I came to realize that my place was in the thick of things. I have helped to lead my section's response to the COVID crisis at my institution and continue to meet with patients whose disease status mandates an in-person clinic visit despite COVID. However, even those efforts seem too small for this moment.
Therefore, when my hospital asked for volunteers to staff our emergently-constructed field hospital for COVID patients, I thought long and hard about what to do. Before sending in my email response, I considered my own family, especially my children Cate and Nicholas. I thought about how much I loved them and how I would hate to lose my own life battling this virus. Despite this, I decided to volunteer.
Why volunteer to go into a burning building when you are safe outside? It is because there are people inside that building just like your family who need you more urgently and because you believe that fire will be put out more quickly and effectively with you inside. This is what military personnel or first responders do every day. They do so not because they believe their own lives have no value. Rather, they know that some things, namely life itself, are bigger and more important than their own lives.
I now realize that living the fullest life possible - and enabling others to do the same - is what has kept me going all these years and what drew me to medicine in the first place. No matter what happens, it has been a privilege and a hell of a ride. Thank you.
Love,
Joshi
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