LAST FIRST DAY

Today was the last first day of school for Nicholas under our roof. The timing coincided with a visit this past weekend from two of my dear friends from Austin who were dropping off their kids at U-M for college. Needless to say, it was an emotional weekend for my friends who had to say goodbye to their kids and see them stretch their wings without them.

I still have one more year with Nicholas, but I was deeply moved by how my friends navigated the weekend and by all the emotions that overcame them. It gave me a preview of what I will probably go through one year from now when Nicholas leaves home.

This morning, Nicholas got up as usual, ate his breakfast, and got dressed for school. However, today brought back memories of Cate's first day of fifth grade when we first moved to Ann Arbor. She refused to let us take her to school, saying that she wanted to ride her bike to her elementary school about 1.5 miles away on her own. I still remember that brave young soul exerting herself and riding away as I stood in the driveway. 

This first day was different from other years for another reason - Nicholas now drives and no longer needs a ride to school. Before they left, like other years, they let me take a photo of them on their first day.

Then, Nicholas and Cate loaded themselves into the Highlander.

They backed away out of the driveway and headed down Heather Way on their own. Again, I stood stunned in the driveway, taking it all in.

I thought about how much they have grown and how far they have come. We raise our children to be able to handle all kinds of situations and to become independent and capable of finding their way in this world. Moments like today and this past weekend reveal the bittersweet nature of accomplishing that mission. 

I now have a better understanding of what it truly means to be a parent. To sacrifice one's self for a child is the easy part; it is letting go that is the real work and every bit as important as the sacrifices.

I was reminded today of the poem "What is Supposed to Happen" by Naomi Shihab Nye, one of my favorite poets:

When you were small,

we watched you sleeping,

waves of breath

filling your chest.

Sometimes we hid behind

the wall of baby, soft cradle

of baby needs.

I loved carrying you between

my own body and the world.

Now you are sharpening pencils,

entering the forest of

lunch boxes, little desks.

People I never saw before

call out your name

and you wave.

This loss I feel,

this shrinking,

as your field of roses

grows and grows….

Now I understand history.

Now I understand my mother’s ancient eyes.

Her words and the emotions they evoke tell me that she surely is a parent. I think my friends and I, too, now share those ancient eyes.

GETTING TO HOME IN PORTLAND

Today, Nicholas and I drove to Portland - Portland, Michigan - for him to take the SAT again.

Portland is 1.5 hours away, so we had to get up at 5:15AM in order to make it in time. Nicholas slept on the way, and his test was 4 hours, which gave me time to kill and think about a lot of things. 

It was fitting that I was so reflective since we were driving to Portland - the namesake of our old home.

Three years have passed since our move, and so much has changed. We are only now beginning to make friends and some roots, and the kids feel completely settled. Ann Arbor is a lovely place, but there is so much we have yet to see.

I had the very strange sensation when I was walking around Portland that Michigan finally feels like home. There has been so much water under the bridge and over the bridge with the storm of COVID and all its disruption. However, those experiences the past three years have made us stronger at home and at work. 

It is only through adversity and pressure and stress that true, dynamic change happens, and we have all changed in so many ways. However, what we all take from this move and its attendant challenges is strength - strength of character, strength of purpose, and strength of family 

I know that we would all be different people had we not moved - in good ways and in bad. I cannot predict whom we would have become, but I can say that I am grateful to have the life we do and to have such an amazing family to experience the past few years and live through this thing called life.

POWER-AID

Last weekend Cate's team competed in the Powerade Tournament just north of Ann Arbor. Her team has been traveling around the country playing in the National Pro League, so it was nice to have a game closer to home.

The girls were knocked out of of the National Championship in the group stage in their last tournament in Orlando last month, so they were ready to prove themselves. Importantly, the team recently strengthened with three new additions, and their power-aid has been immediately felt!

We won the first game 4-0 against a younger 2009 birth year team, Northville Rush, that won state cup this year. In the second game, we beat Nationals Union 3-1. Our third game, we lit Michigan Burn on fire 3-0. 

That set up the final - a rematch against Northville Rush. This time our quality really shined through, including a dynamic midfielder wearing number 11, our very own Cate! 

The final result was 7-0, and our girls were named champions!

It was great to see the new girls so seamlessly transition to the team. I can't wait to see what all they achieve this year.

SEVENTEEN- WHERE DID THE TIME GO?

I cannot believe Nicholas turned 17 this month! The day he was born on July 13, 2005 is still one of the most memorable and transformative days of my life, and it is amazing to see how much he has grown.

Nicholas is the person with with whom I identify most, and we have an amazing understanding of each other. That is what 17 years under the same roof will do.

While much of the COVID pandemic has been tragic and heartbreaking, being able to spend more time with Nicholas and the family, especially during his high school years has been a gift.

What were once my passions have become his, and I do not know anyone who is more passionate about sports and stories from all different types of athletic events. Though I have never asked him exactly what sports means to him, I would guess it is the passion and excellence top athletes bring to their crafts. 

It is not surprising that he has developed such an amazing media organization, Gryphon Sports Live (GSL), at his school. Unsurprisingly, Nicholas has engaged the entire school in building this club and has brought many underclassmen on board so that GSL will have a life well after he leaves.

The matter of Nicholas eventually moving on is a very bittersweet one for me. I'll miss my best friend, but I also want him to achieve his dreams and follow them wherever they might take him.

My parents never imposed on me their wishes of where they might want me to live. This gave me the freedom to pursue the best educational opportunities in the country and eventually took me out of state 20 years ago. I have a much better sense of how painful but proud they probably were when I left Texas for Johns Hopkins back in 2002.

Before Nicholas, I could not understand why people had kids or what made being a parent so life-changing in such a positive way. I am who I am because I am a father to Nicholas and Cate. They are the best thing I have ever done, and I am so lucky to have them in my life.

Here's to an amazing 17 years, Nicholas! I am so proud of you and cannot wait to see what comes next for you!

Love,

Dad 

BLACK BUTTEY

I do not know who first told us about Black Butte Ranch in Central Oregon, but I am grateful that they did. 

We have been coming to Black Butte (the mountain is pictured above) for more than a decade, and I believe we have only missed one year - 2020 because of the pandemic - since we started going.

Though the Ranch and the activities we partake in - running, biking, hiking, pickleball - do not change a whole lot from year to year, Black Butte is definitely our happy place.

This year, like many years, we stayed there with our friends the Tais. They have two kids that are several years older than ours, and the bond the kids have is very special.

There was a lot of hang out time, family dinners, movies, and Netflix shows. Check out "Somebody Feed Phil!"

I look forward to our next trip to Black Butte. Until then, the memories we made will have to sustain me!

NORTHWEST ROOTS

We spent twelve and a half wonderful years in Portland prior to moving to Ann Arbor. In some many ways, this is where both the kids and we grew up - a place that truly felt like home and where we felt settled. 

It has been nearly three years since we moved from Portland, but we still have many beloved friends that feel more like family. For that reason, it was wonderful to be back visiting last week. 

It was a whirlwind visit with only 27 hours in town before we headed to Central Oregon. However, we fit a lot in during that time. 

After checking in to our hotel, we headed to food carts in the Northwest 23rd area. We ate a wonderful selection of food, including: naan, pad thai, sushi burritos, and waffles! Next, at Nicholas' suggestion, we went to one of my favorite places on earth, the Japanese Garden. It was as beautiful as ever.

We stopped by the Timbers'/Thorns' store to pick up some souvenirs and see the old stadium.

Then, we met up with Kathleen's friends for a light dinner later that day. Afterwards, I caught up with a few friends from my old futsal team for dinner at a new West African place called Adaki.

The following day, I had an amazing six mile run in Forest Park. I can still see the brilliant green hues!

We stopped by my old friend and mentor Grover's house to drop off a gift for his 80th birthday. It was a quick hello, but it was so nice to see him and his wife Susan.

Finally, we went to lunch with my friend George and his family. It was wonderful to catch up with him.

This was our second trip to Portland since our move. Both times, being back brought back so many fond memories and strong emotions and served as a touchstone for whom and where we used to be and who and where we are now.

While much has changed about Portland, certain things have not. There are more people in Portland whom I love than anywhere else. I have more fond memories of Portland than anywhere else. I do not see those two things changing anytime soon.

SUPREME IDIOCY

This week the Supreme Court ruled on two cases that will change our society for the worse. First, they ruled in favor of the plaintiffs who argued that a New York state law limiting areas where one can carry a gun in unconstitutional. In this age of mass shootings that seem to have occurred in every and all public spaces, how this ruling make sense? 

The second amendment is used as a justification for this decision. Let us examine that text: "A well-regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed." First, we have a standing army of professional soldiers and police forces that maintain security in this country. We are no longer reliant on militia to protect us. In fact, many militia groups are rightly viewed as extremists and terrorists. Not surprisingly, these groups are heavily-armed, and many of them took part in the storming of the capital. What planet are these justices living on?

The second decision this week that was even more cataclysmic was the ruling in favor of Dobbs (State of Mississippi) v. Jackson Women's Health Organization that effectively overturned the 49 year precedent of Roe v. Wade that had guaranteed a woman's right to abortion. Almost instantaneously, abortion is now illegal in over half of our states, including Michigan that has a trigger ban based on an old state statute. 

What this means is that half of Americans - its women - no longer have full citizenship or bodily autonomy. This is a travesty. This podcast with an abortion provider from Austin lays out what our world looked like even prior to this ruling, and things will only worsen.

More concerning, the 6-3 majority opinion opens the door to overturning other laws that rested on the right to privacy enshrined in the 14th amendment. These laws concern contraception, gay marriage, and interracial marriage. I would not be surprised if attacks on these accepted facets of our society come under attack next.

So what can we as citizens do? How can we act? We are still a nation of laws, which means that laws can be used to enshrine our rights and freedoms. Donate to gun control groups like Brady and Everytown and abortion rights groups like Planned Parenthood. Finally, vote in every single race for elected office and remove anyone who does not support the sensible gun control laws and vital abortion access laws we need right now. It may take a generation and a new Supreme Court to roll back these anachronistic rulings, but change starts with us right now.