Recently, Cate took a field trip to visit a Native American cultural center along with her teachers and classmates. This was not Cate's first field trip, and others had gone off without a hitch. On this one though, there was a problem-a big problem.
After the trip, we learned that Cate and several of her classmates were raising their middle fingers in the f--- you sign to cars that were passing by. When confronted about this by her teacher, Cate and her classmates said they did not know what that symbol stood for and pleaded innocence.
Later that night, I had a chance to talk to Cate. She said she truly did not know what "flipping the bird" meant and that she and her friends were just doing it at the ceiling. I calmly asked Cate, "Where did you see such a thing, and did you think that was a kind symbol or an unkind symbol?" She replied that she had seen it at school. Further, she said that whenever she had seen someone do this, it seemed as though they were doing it to be mean or make someone feel bad.
Having established that Cate knew this was a bad decision, I tried to help her realize that this did not make her a bad person. I told her I was saddened by her choice but that I did not love her any less. We talked about how we knew she could do better and that one was obligated to think before any action. We talked about deciding whether our choices were designed to "break" someone down or to "build" them up and how "builds" were the actions we should strive for.
The next day, Cate wrote a letter of apology to her teachers that she handed in today. Cate said her teacher appreciated the sincerity of her words and actions. I appreciate them, too, and I know that Cate will be a better person for having made such a regretful error. I would know as I have been there myself on too many occasions to count.
Monday, November 20, 2017
DISCIPLINE
I am often amazed by my children-especially their levels of discipline. I have known of this characteristic in them for some time, which begin with their acing the marshmallow test of delayed gratification.
This has not been the only example of Nicholas and Cate's discipline, and I was reminded of this earlier this month. Nicholas had ordered a new NBA video game. Rather than using his own money from his account, he bargained with us to receive this for Christmas, knowing that he would not be able to play with it until December 25th.
When the game came in the mail, I expected him to make a fuss and ask to open it right away. However, when I handed him the packet, he walked straight over to the closet with it and put it away. There was no complain gin or bargaining. Rather, Nicholas was no nonsense in his approach-one that blew me away.
Later that night, I was tempted to let him open the game early. However, I quickly realized that that would send the exact opposite message. He had accepted the reality of the situation without flinching. Who was I to remake the rules for him?
I look forward to Nicholas cracking open that package one month from now and playing that first game. I know it will mean so much more to him because he will have exercised restraint and delayed gratification. For that and for a child like him, I am grateful!
This has not been the only example of Nicholas and Cate's discipline, and I was reminded of this earlier this month. Nicholas had ordered a new NBA video game. Rather than using his own money from his account, he bargained with us to receive this for Christmas, knowing that he would not be able to play with it until December 25th.
When the game came in the mail, I expected him to make a fuss and ask to open it right away. However, when I handed him the packet, he walked straight over to the closet with it and put it away. There was no complain gin or bargaining. Rather, Nicholas was no nonsense in his approach-one that blew me away.
Later that night, I was tempted to let him open the game early. However, I quickly realized that that would send the exact opposite message. He had accepted the reality of the situation without flinching. Who was I to remake the rules for him?
I look forward to Nicholas cracking open that package one month from now and playing that first game. I know it will mean so much more to him because he will have exercised restraint and delayed gratification. For that and for a child like him, I am grateful!
ENDOWED
There are many surprises in life that are quite unpleasant. Because of this, I was thrilled to recently learn that my university had awarded me an endowed chair for prostate cancer research!
I had always known that receiving a chair was among the highest honors a university can bestow on a faculty member, but I never imagined I would be the recipient of such an honor. Creating such an honor requires a donation of several million dollars to create an endowment, or research fund that is invested. In times of good stock markets and wise investing, the endowment generates interest that the recipient may use for any research purpose: salary, research supplies, etc. This unrestricted fund enables one to have breathing room and to take risks with these dollars that come with none of the strings normally attached to grant awards.
To say that I breathed a sigh of relief upon learning of this award from the Kuni Foundation and Kuni family would be an understatement. Running a lab is like running a small business, and it is no small feat to balance one's books and keep the lights on- especially when one is also trying to juggle patient care and administrative responsibilities.
That there were so many other deserving individuals at my institution, that the Kuni family-whom I have known for years- believed in me, and that our cancer institute director Brian Druker chose me for this honor is truly humbling.
Upon receiving the award, I promised that I would work hard to be worthy and that I would dedicate myself everyday to trying to improve the lives of men and their families who are affected by prostate cancer. I cannot think of a higher calling, and this award will remind me daily that to whom much is given, much is expected.
Onward!
Monday, October 23, 2017
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CATHERINE REESE!
It seems like just yesterday that we brought this little one home, but Catherine Reese Alumkal turned nine last week! In those nine years, we have seen amazing change and growth, and Cate remains one of the most interesting people whom I have ever met.
They say that children come out who they are, and Cate is living proof. From the moment she arrived in this world, Cate has been single-minded in knowing what she wanted and who she is. That has only increased with time. However, thankfully her acquisition of speech helped immensely for us to understand exactly what Cate wanted.
Today, she is a young woman who is so passionate about so many things-her friends, soccer, Netflix tween dramas, and her family. Never one to shy away from a challenge, she has become an awesome piano player, one heck of a soccer card collector, and a voracious reader of fiction. I think I know from whom she gets the latter!
In her life, Cate has also seen the country change immensely. She was born on the eye of the Obama years and now is in the eye of the Trump storm. I pray that she and we have a brighter future where tolerance, respect for the earth, equal opportunity, and all the ideals that make this country great are restored. I am hopeful that that is the future Cate will have to look forward to, and I have a strong feeling that this little will make this world a much better place.
It is hard to image the next nine years with Cate-the nine years before she will presumably leave our house. There are days when I take for granted all that I have to thankful for and how special this young woman is, but not today. I am honored to call her my own, and I do not think I will ever love anyone more than her and Nicholas. For as long as I breathe, I will look to her with affection and just a little bit of awe.
I love you Cate Cate!
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
WE'RE BACK!!!
Yesterday, Lionel Messi put on a show and dispensed with Italian champion Juventus 3-0 to open this year's Champions League campaign.
The win was sweet for several reasons, most of all that Juventus had knocked Barca out of last year's competition in the quarterfinal stage. Over two legs last year, Barca had managed no goals to Juventus' three.
Though Barca were without Neymar yesterday, the new players they signed with his transfer fee shined. The full back Nelson Semedo was rampant on the right side, and the forward Ousmane Dembele also caused Juventus countless problems on that same side. That our right flank has been significantly strengthened enabled Lionel Messi to drift more central and play as a "false 9" or mobile forward. This liberation came at the Juventus' expense as Messi was everywhere and hard to contain.
While he had not previously scored against Juventus' towering goalkeeper Gigi Buffon, yesterday Messi put two past him. Ivan Rakitic added a third, and the game was done and dusted.
Beyond Messi's brilliance and the performance of new signings, other tactical changes also contributed to the win. First, Barca as a team ran 25 more kilometers last night versus their 3-0 humiliation to Juventus last year. Second, the possession, pass and move, "total football" of the Cruyff and Guardiola eras resurfaced in place of the midfield-bypassing structure of Barca's former coach Lucho Enrique. Finally, the team had something to prove after its poor showing last year and because of all the doubters. A stronger and more forceful message could not have been sent!
I look forward to this season and watching this team gel and take shape. I am a clue for life, and yesterday's European night was one for the ages!
Wednesday, August 16, 2017
CHARLOTTESVILLE
Last weekend, white supremacists descended on Charlottesville, Virginia. The stated reason for this hate rally was to speak out against efforts to tear down monuments to Confederate "heroes." However, it quickly became clear that more sinister motives were at play. Protesters do not normally carry lit torches or assault weapons, and protesters do not generally use motor vehicles as battering rams against counterprotesters. One young woman Heather Heyer was killed by that vehicle, and countless others were physically harmed by these thugs.
In this time of national tragedy and unrest, where was our president? It took him a full day to respond to the events that had unfolded in Charlotesville. When he did respond, he stated that both sides were to blame and created a moral equivalency between hate-filled bigots and those who chose to stand up to their intimidation. Two days later, that same president read a more contrite statement from a teleprompter. There might as well have been a gun to this head as it was clear that these words were quite hollow. That he walked back his comments two days later and again claimed a moral equivalency between white supremacists and counterprotestors is enough to fill one with hopelessness.
However, this is no time to lose hope. We already knew that racists and white supremacists were among us. It just was not clear that these people might be our neighbors, loan officers, or policemen. Now we know at least who some of these people are. Likewise, we already knew this president was a bigot based on his housing discrimination lawsuit settlements, his birther lie, and his comments about Mexican-Americans and Muslims. There can be no question now where this man and his supporters stand, which is why it is so important for us to stand against them and for justice.
In today's New York Times, the author Nathan Englander, who is Jewish, wrote about what Charlottesville means to him and young Jewish kids or other minority groups across the country. It was a stirring piece and reminded me of my experiences with racism as a child. I can still recall the many times I was called a "Paki," a nigger, or toilet face-all before the age of 10. I remember the time someone smeared dog poop on our front door handle and when a teenager in high school threw a drink in my face and told me to "go back to Iraq" during the first gulf war.
Charlottesville was an example of the hate that filled those personal moments on full display for the entire world to see, and the lack of condemnation from the most powerful man in the country sent a clear message. To his supporters, what happened and how he responded means that they know they have a friend and ally in the White House. They have been emboldened.
However, there is also a message for those who have opposed this president or those who are only now outraged. We cannot stand by and let the hate, racism, and intolerance win out. We have an obligation to speak out, to protest, and to use peaceful, democratic means to wrest our country back before it is too late.
Today, I am reminded by a famous quotation from the German Protestant pastor Martin Niemoller. Let us never forget these words and let us work together to overcome hate with love and ignorance with reason. What other choice is there?
In this time of national tragedy and unrest, where was our president? It took him a full day to respond to the events that had unfolded in Charlotesville. When he did respond, he stated that both sides were to blame and created a moral equivalency between hate-filled bigots and those who chose to stand up to their intimidation. Two days later, that same president read a more contrite statement from a teleprompter. There might as well have been a gun to this head as it was clear that these words were quite hollow. That he walked back his comments two days later and again claimed a moral equivalency between white supremacists and counterprotestors is enough to fill one with hopelessness.
However, this is no time to lose hope. We already knew that racists and white supremacists were among us. It just was not clear that these people might be our neighbors, loan officers, or policemen. Now we know at least who some of these people are. Likewise, we already knew this president was a bigot based on his housing discrimination lawsuit settlements, his birther lie, and his comments about Mexican-Americans and Muslims. There can be no question now where this man and his supporters stand, which is why it is so important for us to stand against them and for justice.
In today's New York Times, the author Nathan Englander, who is Jewish, wrote about what Charlottesville means to him and young Jewish kids or other minority groups across the country. It was a stirring piece and reminded me of my experiences with racism as a child. I can still recall the many times I was called a "Paki," a nigger, or toilet face-all before the age of 10. I remember the time someone smeared dog poop on our front door handle and when a teenager in high school threw a drink in my face and told me to "go back to Iraq" during the first gulf war.
Charlottesville was an example of the hate that filled those personal moments on full display for the entire world to see, and the lack of condemnation from the most powerful man in the country sent a clear message. To his supporters, what happened and how he responded means that they know they have a friend and ally in the White House. They have been emboldened.
However, there is also a message for those who have opposed this president or those who are only now outraged. We cannot stand by and let the hate, racism, and intolerance win out. We have an obligation to speak out, to protest, and to use peaceful, democratic means to wrest our country back before it is too late.
Today, I am reminded by a famous quotation from the German Protestant pastor Martin Niemoller. Let us never forget these words and let us work together to overcome hate with love and ignorance with reason. What other choice is there?
First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.
Because I was not a Socialist.
Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.
Because I was not a Jew.
Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.
Tuesday, July 18, 2017
TWELVE
Last week, Nicholas turned twelve. Twelve! It is hard to believe our little guy is now a tween, and he has grown in so many ways in the past year.
Despite getting older and a little more tween-like, Nicholas is still a wonderful person at heart. He cares deeply about his friends and family, and he is one of the most loyal people you will ever meet. I think this comes from his deep sense of right and wrong and belief that deep down most people are good. That he continues to believe this despite some frustrating interpersonal interactions last year at school warms my heart. His circle of friends continues to expand, and the continues to forge stronger and stronger ties.
Passion is a word that epitomizes Nicholas, and he is not one to do anything half-baked. His love for soccer continues to grow, and his knowledge is truly encyclopedic. Drawing is still his go to activity, and we often find his at "his table" in the living room working on various drawings-often of soccer-in his free time. That so many people have commented on Nicholas' distinct style really speaks to how talented of an artist he is.
Beyond drawing and playing soccer, Nicholas is truly a man of the world. He loves geography and learning about new cultures-whether it be their traditions, languages, or food. I see him traveling the world one day and even studying or living abroad. I hope he lets me visit or go with him!
While this post may seem on the surface as a record or a report of our boy's current status, it is more of a love letter. I do not think I could love anyone more than I do this boy, and I am so proud and honored to be his day. May we have many more years together, and may he continue to stay young at and strong at heart as he navigates his way through the teen years and beyond.
Today and everyday, I love you Nicho!
Despite getting older and a little more tween-like, Nicholas is still a wonderful person at heart. He cares deeply about his friends and family, and he is one of the most loyal people you will ever meet. I think this comes from his deep sense of right and wrong and belief that deep down most people are good. That he continues to believe this despite some frustrating interpersonal interactions last year at school warms my heart. His circle of friends continues to expand, and the continues to forge stronger and stronger ties.
Passion is a word that epitomizes Nicholas, and he is not one to do anything half-baked. His love for soccer continues to grow, and his knowledge is truly encyclopedic. Drawing is still his go to activity, and we often find his at "his table" in the living room working on various drawings-often of soccer-in his free time. That so many people have commented on Nicholas' distinct style really speaks to how talented of an artist he is.
Beyond drawing and playing soccer, Nicholas is truly a man of the world. He loves geography and learning about new cultures-whether it be their traditions, languages, or food. I see him traveling the world one day and even studying or living abroad. I hope he lets me visit or go with him!
While this post may seem on the surface as a record or a report of our boy's current status, it is more of a love letter. I do not think I could love anyone more than I do this boy, and I am so proud and honored to be his day. May we have many more years together, and may he continue to stay young at and strong at heart as he navigates his way through the teen years and beyond.
Today and everyday, I love you Nicho!
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