REGRETS, WE ALL HAVE A FEW

Recently, Cate took a field trip to visit a Native American cultural center along with her teachers and classmates. This was not Cate's first field trip, and others had gone off without a hitch. On this one though, there was a problem-a big problem.

After the trip, we learned that Cate and several of her classmates were raising their middle fingers in the f--- you sign to cars that were passing by. When confronted about this by her teacher, Cate and her classmates said they did not know what that symbol stood for and pleaded innocence.

Later that night, I had a chance to talk to Cate. She said she truly did not know what "flipping the bird" meant and that she and her friends were just doing it at the ceiling. I calmly asked Cate, "Where did you see such a thing, and did you think that was a kind symbol or an unkind symbol?" She replied that she had seen it at school. Further, she said that whenever she had seen someone do this, it seemed as though they were doing it to be mean or make someone feel bad.

Having established that Cate knew this was a bad decision, I tried to help her realize that this did not make her a bad person. I told her I was saddened by her choice but that I did not love her any less. We talked about how we knew she could do better and that one was obligated to think before any action. We talked about deciding whether our choices were designed to "break" someone down or to "build" them up and how "builds" were the actions we should strive for.

The next day, Cate wrote a letter of apology to her teachers that she handed in today. Cate said her teacher appreciated the sincerity of her words and actions. I appreciate them, too, and I know that Cate will be a better person for having made such a regretful error. I would know as I have been there myself on too many occasions to count.

DISCIPLINE

I am often amazed by my children-especially their levels of discipline. I have known of this characteristic in them for some time, which begin with their acing the marshmallow test of delayed gratification.

This has not been the only example of Nicholas and Cate's discipline, and I was reminded of this earlier this month. Nicholas had ordered a new NBA video game. Rather than using his own money from his account, he bargained with us to receive this for Christmas, knowing that he would not be able to play with it until December 25th.

When the game came in the mail, I expected him to make a fuss and ask to open it right away. However, when I handed him the packet, he walked straight over to the closet with it and put it away. There was no complain gin or bargaining. Rather, Nicholas was no nonsense in his approach-one that blew me away.

Later that night, I was tempted to let him open the game early. However, I quickly realized that that would send the exact opposite message. He had accepted the reality of the situation without flinching. Who was I to remake the rules for him?

I look forward to Nicholas cracking open that package one month from now and playing that first game. I know it will mean so much more to him because he will have exercised restraint and delayed gratification. For that and for a child like him, I am grateful!

ENDOWED

There are many surprises in life that are quite unpleasant. Because of this, I was thrilled to recently learn that my university had awarded me an endowed chair for prostate cancer research! 

I had always known that receiving a chair was among the highest honors a university can bestow on a faculty member, but I never imagined I would be the recipient of such an honor. Creating such an honor requires a donation of several million dollars to create an endowment, or research fund that is invested. In times of good stock markets and wise investing, the endowment generates interest that the recipient may use for any research purpose: salary, research supplies, etc. This unrestricted fund enables one to have breathing room and to take risks with these dollars that come with none of the strings normally attached to grant awards.

To say that I breathed a sigh of relief upon learning of this award from the Kuni Foundation and Kuni family would be an understatement. Running a lab is like running a small business, and it is no small feat to balance one's books and keep the lights on- especially when one is also trying to juggle patient care and administrative responsibilities. 

That there were so many other deserving individuals at my institution, that the Kuni family-whom I have known for years- believed in me, and that our cancer institute director Brian Druker chose me for this honor is truly humbling. 

Upon receiving the award, I promised that I would work hard to be worthy and that I would dedicate myself everyday to trying to improve the lives of men and their families who are affected by prostate cancer. I cannot think of a higher calling, and this award will remind me daily that to whom much is given, much is expected.

Onward!