PROFILES IN RESILIENCE

I have thought a lot about resilience lately - what with a global pandemic, economic collapse, and schools and my lab shuttered for three months. 

Today's New York Times had a very thought-provoking essay on this topic that I highly recommend. In summary, the author contends that our childhood experiences, our close personal connections, and our sense of purpose make a great difference on how resiliently we behave. It reminded me of Viktor Frankl's wonderful book, "Man's Search for Meaning."

Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist. All his life, he found himself asking, "What do I want from life." When he was imprisoned by the Nazis and taken to Auschwitz, he quickly realized that that being there was not really what he had asked for in life. However, he used his time in the camp to understand human survival amidst tragedy and adversity and take his life and work in a new direction. He had modified his perspective to ask, "What was life asking of me?"

I received another inspiring message from the wife of a former patient from Oregon this week. She wrote to let me know that he husband had finally passed away around Easter and that she had struggled with writing to let me know.

Ultimately, she decided to compose the message below:

Dear Joshi,

I hope this finds you and your family safe and happy in your new home and careers. I have composed this letter many times over - and still there is no easy way to tell you that --- made his transition from this life in April on Easter Sunday. Without sounding like a Hallmark card or too maudlin I want to express what your presence in this journey meant to us.

More than your guidance and kind, loving care, you infused each meeting with a sense of calm. --- came away from every appointment with that calm, feeling empowered and hopeful. At our first introduction you explained that this cancer would allow --- the time to do the things and be with the people that mattered most to him. He took that to heart. --- was able to be available to his disabled daughter during a very difficult time in her life. He also connected with several old friends --- some going back almost sixty years. They all came away with their lives enriched by each other. And we made sure that our time together was quality time. Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It is about learning to dance in the rain. We danced in the rain.

Thank you does not begin to express my gratitude for who you are and in our lives. Blessings to you and all those you love.

Much love,

---

The part about the storm and dancing in the rain had me in tears. I had thought that it was my job to comfort her, and yet her words were like a salve in a deep and festering wound and a good reminder for us all to stay positive and keep going.

I called her a day after receiving her message. It was like talking to an old friend. With her permission, I shared her message with my lab team, and I also shared the beautiful words about the storm and the rain on social media. Needless to say, people were blown away.

We find a way to survive – not by ourselves – but with the help of others. Here’s to passing it on.