LEFT OUT

This week, Nicholas told us that one of his friends was planning a sleepover this weekend. According to Nicholas many of his closest friends from school were going to be in attendance. I expressed my concern that it was Wednesday, and I had not heard anything about the sleepover from the child's parents. Undeterred, Nicholas was on cloud nine about the prospect of spending time outside of school with his friends at this sleepover.

Today, I received the bad news in an email from Nicholas' teacher. He said that there had indeed been talk all week about the sleepover. However, the child's parents had to limit the number of kids who could sleep over, and Nicholas was not ultimately invited. He said Nicholas was quite upset upon hearing this and could not understand how he was left out. The teacher used this as a teaching moment to illustrate how Nicholas' feeling were hurt because plans that did not include everyone were openly discussed. He also used the moment to describe how the lack of an invitation did not mean that Nicholas was any less important to his friends. All the kids agreed that they would do better next time.

Tonight, I was not sure how to approach the discussion with Nicholas, so I just asked him about his day. I did not reveal to him that I was aware of the day's events.

Nicholas first response was that he was looking forward to the sleepover and being with his friends. I reminded him that we had not heard anything about this, and that I was not sure this was going to happen. At that point, he confessed that the sleepover was happening and that he was not invited. He said he could not understand how such a thing could have happened.

I told him that I had had many similar experiences and that his friends still loved him and enjoyed his company. I told him there would be many sleepovers and that we could even host one. He was not convinced.

Upon hearing the news from Nicholas teacher, I had also prophylactically contacted the parents of one of his soccer friends from the neighborhood. I confirmed that that boy could sleepover tomorrow night. When I told Nicholas this, he perked up, although I could still detect a sense of sadness in him.

I could not think of anything else to say without making the situation seem even more upsetting or awkward, so we moved on to story time. We also fit in some World Cup videos from YouTube, which made him quite happy. Then, he went to bed.

My number one goal in the world is to help my children be happy. This is not always possible, and there are many moments of sadness and emptiness in childhood.

This is one of those moments, and it will soon pass. However, that does not make it any less upsetting.

Nicholas is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. I love him unconditionally, and I want others to treat him the same. He will learn from this, and he will hopefully remember to treat others with respect, affection, and fairness. However, rejection is a bitter pill to swallow whether one is eighty or a mere eight.

I can promise Nicholas one thing. We will host one hell of a sleepover tomorrow...