SING YOUR LIFE!

We all have tough times in life, and fortunately most of the time we are able to pick ourselves up and keep going. However, most of our challenges pale in comparison to what the kids in the videos below are going through.





This is not to say that my life and your life are not challenging. Rather, I mean that this life is still very much worth living!

her

This weekend, I went to see the movie "her" (spoiler alert in the link). Perhaps it is fitting that I went to see "her" by myself in lieu of going to the kids' swimming lesson with Kathleen. That is because this movie focuses on our need to re-connect and to find solace in this world that can be devastatingly lonely even when we are in relationships.

In case you have not heard about the movie, "her" tells the story of a man named Theodore who lives in the not too distant future in Los Angeles and who recently separated from his wife. This traumatic experience has exposed his frailties, and it is clear that Theodore is a lonely person.  More importantly, it also becomes clear that Theodore has significant difficulty with intimacy and forming romantic relationships. However, to the rescue comes a new operating system "OS" for his computer and phone that promises to develop a deep relationship with its user. Imagine Siri from the iPhone but with a soul and with Scarlett Johansson's husky voice.

Needless to say, Theodore develops a deep affection for his OS which (or whom) he names Samantha. She, too, appears to be falling for him. Their banter is effortless, and their affection seems limitless. I will not spoil the ending. However, like most things in life, there is a catch.

The movie was powerful on so many levels. First, "her" highlighted our increasing reliance on technology for self-gratification and fulfillment. I am not just referring to on-demand movies,  easily accessible pornography, Facebook, and the like. I also mean our interest and our reliance on sites like twitter. On this site, one can literally choose to only receive the type of news and information one wants while avoiding nearly anything that is contrarian to that world view - the "filter bubble" as they call it.

Most of our human relationships are the antithesis of these filtered worlds. This is because people do not just feel what we want them to feel or act the way that we want them to. People have their own interests, desires, and emotions. These are the things that make relationships rich. However, they are also precisely the things that make relationships challenging and that ultimately leads many of these relationships to fail.

All of this reminded that acceptance and agreement is probably the most profound thread that runs through nearly all of my most meaningful and successful relationships. Indeed, the failure of past relationships has often been preceded by a sense on my part or the other's part that that concordance has disappeared.

Indeed, I once had a very moving friendship with someone from an earlier time in my life. This was primarily an epistolary relationship and much of it was conducted through text messages, instant messages, or song e-gifts we shared. When we were connected, there was little discordance. In fact, there was nearly always congruence - congruence about politics, justice, society, film, music, you name it. The author Milan Kundera wrote in "The Unbearable Lightness of Being" that we all are one-half of a soul and that our other half is floating around in someone else somewhere in the world. How amazing to find that other identical - not complementary but identical, agreeable - half.

In juxtaposition with many of my other experiences (friendships, work relationships, marriage), this was a deeply pleasurable experience. In actuality though, this relationship diminished my appreciation for my real life relationships, which naturally were more messy and challenging.

There is no free lunch, and anything worth anything has its ups and downs and starts and stops. To be human is to live in this world and take one's lumps with one's successes.

To be loved, one must be open and vulnerable. In order to love, one must treat another in a way that makes them want to reciprocate. I realize that all of this sounds a little sentimental. However, life is richest and most complex when one is able to create something from nothing and maintain it rather than having something entirely satisfying play en loop.

At least that is what I will keep telling myself...

FRUITVALE STATION

This weekend I watched the movie "Fruitvale Station" on-demand. The movie tells the true story of a day in the life of Oscar Grant, a young black man from Oakland. The title is taken from the name of a Bay Area Rapid Transit (BART) stop in the Bay Area where Oscar is shot by BART police. That shooting made headlines in 2009, and it sparked outrage and protests in the Bay Area and beyond.

The movie's power comes from telling the story objectively and uncompromisingly.  Oscar is no saint. However, he is no common thug either. He is a father, boyfriend, son, unemployed grocery store clerk, ex-con, ex-drug dealer. That he is also deeply torn and aware of the need for change in his life made this movie and Oscar's story all the more compelling.

After the tragic shooting of another young black man, Trayvon Martin, President Obama spoke about the cruelty of fate and our society. President Obama said that he could have been Trayvon Martin who was gunned down for looking suspicious and for being black. More importantly and sadly, many observers pointed out that the young Trayvon Martin could have been president like Mr. Obama if only he had lived.

Life is until further notice.

OVERHEARD TONIGHT

Tonight, Nicholas decided to go to bed without wearing his pajamas.

A shocked Cate replied, "What is the deal, Captain Underpants?" Where she comes up with these things, I will never know. Suffice it to say, it is not from us.

PERFECT 10

For the past three years, I have been playing "pick-up" soccer most Sunday mornings. I play with a group of mostly guys and a few gals at a nearby turf field at a school park. The level of play is fairly high, but there is no slide tackling or cheap fouls. Everyone has a great attitude, and these games are the highlight of my week.

I enjoy these games for many reasons. First, it is a great chance to improve one's skills while playing against much more capable players - many of whom have been playing their whole life.  I have come a long way since I worked up the courage and showed up to play one Sunday morning in 2010 after being inspired by the World Cup. I have also made some great friends on the pitch, many of whom also play on my futsal team and who have taken the time to work with me one on one to improve.

Each week after the game, Cate and Nicholas always ask me about how I did, how many goals I scored, etc. I always fill them in, but today Nicholas got to witness the game firsthand. This was because Kathleen was taking Cate to a birthday party, and Nicholas did not want to go. She dropped him off at the field, and he quietly stood on the sideline. I subbed out of the game and gave him a big hug. 

The game was still pretty competitive at that time, so I thought Nicholas was just going to be a spectator. However, my friend Ferki, who was playing on my team, encouraged Nicholas to put on his boots (cleats) that Nicholas had brought along with him in. Within, minutes, Nicholas was running onto the field and joined my team - the Red team for the red shirts we were all wearing.

I instructed Nicholas to play forward with me as a "number 10." The number 10 in soccer position-speak denotes a player who plays right behind the center forward, or number 9. The number 10's job is to attack in a coordinated fashion with the number 9, and the 10 is often a big goal scorer. Messi is a number 10. Enough said.

Nicholas was up to the task, and he scored seven goals! I think I assisted at least four of those, but he also had some beautiful slaloming runs and cuts to score a few of his own. 

After the game, we went for chocolate milk and coffee at a local Peet's Coffee, and we both reveled in our great performances that day. He is already plotting his return, and I, for one, look forward to many more games with my perfect 10.

WE ARE HOGS!

I have been playing on a futsal team of guys from my neighborhood for the past few months. Our team name is the HOGS (Handsome Old GuyS). This is somewhat fitting because nearly all of us are over 40, although I am not certain how handsome we are. Our T-shirt logo pictured above says it all.

Our record in the league has been mostly miss. We won one game early on. However, since then we had lost 10 games in a row. There are many reasons for this losing streak. First, we have lost several quality players to injury, and they have been replaced by individuals who have never played the game. Second, most of the other teams are simply better than us and belong in higher divisions than ours, the bottom division. Finally, we have not played to our potential and have made silly mistakes. These small mistakes can add up and change the course of a game.

However, last night was a different story. The HOGS came out blazing, and we quickly took a lead. I played as a number 8 (attacking midfielder).  My main job was to attack their goal and set up my teammates.  By halftime it was 3-0, including an assist by me. We added four more goals in the second half to make it 7-0. One of those goals included a beautiful left foot shot after I went around their keeper.

At that point, the referee stopped keeping score, and we went on to win the game 7-1. Kathleen and the kids were there to watch the second half, and Cate ran onto the court at the end to give me a big hug.

I always tell me kids that playing your best is the most important thing regardless of the scoreline or the final result. However, it sure does feel good to play one's best and win. Let's hope we can turn this into a streak! Go HOGS!

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

Rob Hughes had an excellent piece in yesterday's New York Times. In that piece, Mr. Hughes discusses how the world of football has felt somewhat empty since Leo Messi's recent break from the game due to injury.

I could not have said it better than Mr. Hughes. We want to see you back on the pitch but only when you are ready. We hope there are many more years of your brilliance to come!