HOME IS WHERE THE FRIENDS ARE

Last week, Nicholas and I spent a week in Portland catching up with old friends. Cate and Kathleen did not come because Cate had an upcoming soccer tournament and did not want to miss training. 

In many ways, this trip was much less frenzied and rushed than usual because it was just the two of us and since we spent the whole time in Portland, rather than part of the trip in Central Oregon, too. This time, we were able to see one friend or friend group per day for an extended amount of time and spend the rest of the day with our friends, the Tais with whom we were staying.

Leading up to the trip, we had heard or read a lot about Portland's problems with crime, homelessness, and income inequality increasing. We braced for the worst about the place we loved and once called home. On the ground, we did notice many of these problems. However, we were also able to appreciate the many charms Portland still has - principally because of all the friend we still have there with whom we made so many amazing memories.

As we re-connected with so many of these folks - some of whom I had not seen since our move four years ago - I was struck by many things. First, it was amazing how seamless our conversations were and how time and distance had not made our bonds grow weaker. 

Second, there is still so much beauty in Portland and plenty of dairy-free food options! 

Third, Forest Park is still a miraculous place to lose one's self and get in an amazing workout. Finally, I am blessed to have such amazing friends and to have lived the life I did in Portland. In so many ways, I came of age there and developed new tastes and passions. Portland probably changed me more than any other city in which I have lived, and I have the fleece and running gear to prove it.

As I reflect on my current life vs. my past life, I am struck by what is the key to happiness and joy - emotions that were in abundance so often last week. One cannot feel those emotions without familiarity and intimacy, without a shared history and memories made together. That is what I have missed so much these past four years and what I have yet to find here outside of work. I am not sure I will find that again in the same way because the 12 years I spent in Portland will be very hard to match.

What I can say is that to thrive, one needs to have more friends where one lives, or one needs to lives by one's friends. That is the secret sauce!

GO 'CUSE

Update: Nicholas made his college choice after a lot of careful deliberation. He decided to go to Syracuse! While we did not tell him what to do, we did try to steer him in the direction of the choice that would give him the best chance to get the exposure, training, and on-the-job experience to become a journalist or broadcaster one day. Syracuse seemed like the best fit. Fortunately, it is just a 90 minute flight away, and there are four direct flights per day!

We will miss the "little guy" when he is gone, but growing up and spreading one's wings is what is supposed to happen. We love you Nicholas! Go 'Cuse!

THE ROAD TO TAKE

Robert Frost famously wrote that taking the road less travelled made all the difference, but sometimes it is difficult to decide between two paths that each appear untrodden in their own unique ways. This dilemma is personified by the college decision before Nicholas. Fortunately, he has two wonderful options: the University of Michigan, one of the best universities in the country, and Syracuse University, whose Newhouse School of Communication is one of the best journalism programs in the country.

I would like to think I always have my children's best interests in mind, but - like other parents - I have my own biases. The desire to hold on to one's child for just a little while longer can be strong, and this sentiment can sometimes color one's advice. However, ever since Nicholas received both acceptances, I have tried to be as neutral as possible. 

In making, his decision, I have asked him to think about how far away from home he feels comfortable moving, where he would like to spend the next four years, and what he is looking for out of college. It is clear that he will be able to pursue a career in journalism after going to either place. The path towards that career at Syracuse might be more straightforward than Michigan, which does not have a journalism program. However, a Master's in journalism after Michigan is a very viable option. 

Personally, Syracuse would be the road less travelled. Professionally, Michigan would be the road less traveled for a journalism career. These dualities and complexities are inherent in life, and often there is not one right choice. That is what makes life special. In many ways, it is reassuring that no matter what he decides, there will be a path forward. 

The dilemma of choice often comes up when I talk with my patients about navigating different treatment decisions. They often ask me what I would do or what I would tell my father to do. I tell them I am not sure because my dad is his own man, and I am not a cancer patient. However, the best advice, I believe, I give them is to ask themselves how they wish to spend the next few months or years  - on treatment or off - and what choice would they regret more if it did not work out. Considering these two variables can often be clarifying, and I hope my patients sleep better with their decisions.

My patients often provide me with life advice, too, and remind me that we are never alone. I still recall the words of one of my patients from Portland - Dr. K. - whom I visited at his home after he enrolled on hospice. When I expressed trepidation about my upcoming move to Ann Arbor, he sought to allay my fears, saying, "Change is hard, but you and your family will get each other through this." Such simple words, but they have been so true and so comforting these past four years. I want Nicholas to know that whatever he decides, we will all help each other navigate this next phase.

I hope Nicholas finds clarity and peace with his decision. Roads are rarely one way. Going far from home may be the right decision. If it does not work, we may not be able to catch him before he falls. However, if that were to happen, we will be there to help him get back up again. 

Despite how competitive careers in journalism or broadcasting are, there are several reasons I do not envision Nicholas falling or failing, whichever college path he chooses. He is comfortable in his own skin and laser-focused on his schoolwork and on telling important stories. He is empathetic, curious, and experienced as a journalist and broadcaster, having written for his school paper the past two years and having started a media organization, Gryphon Sports Live, at his school. These are massive accomplishments, and he is an exceptional young man!

Parents try to provide their children with all kinds of opportunities. Perhaps, by disrupting his young life with our move four years ago, the best "gift" I have given Nicholas is the belief that he is capable, strong, and ready to navigate and thrive in unfamiliar territory. Now, it is ultimately his decision to pick which untravelled path feels best. I know he'll make the right decision, and I look forward to watching him continue to develop into an amazing young man - from nearby or from afar. I love you and am so proud of you, son!

WINNER, WINNER

During our trip to Toronto, we decided to see a Raptor basketball game. I even got a footlong dog!

It started off fairly even, but the Raptors eventually pulled away!

During the third period the cheerleaders came out to the court and proceeded to throw T-shirts to the crowd. We were pretty high up, so I lamented that we would not be able to get in on the action. However, they also had some roaming attendants in the crowd giving away shirts - or rather throwing shirts in the direction of the most rabid fans.  

Therefore, when I saw an attendant approach our section, I proceeded to cheer, yell, and wave my arms. I caught her eye, and she flung a shirt in my direction. I somehow grabbed it from mid-air with a one-handed catch worthy of a baseball centerfielder! 

It is funny because I never win raffles or other giveaways, so this shirt felt especially sweet! Go Raptors!

THE CURSED CHILD

We have always been huge Harry Potter fans, so it did not take much convincing to decide to see the play the Cursed Child, which is a sequel of sorts to the popular books and movies, in Toronto.

The acting and special effects were incredible, and there was a very poignant storyline about finding one's tribe and accepting people for who they are. I won't spoil the ending, but if you happen to be in a city where the Curse Child is playing, I highly recommend it!

RE-CONNECTING

It had been nearly 18 years since we last saw my Uncle Joshy and Aunt Esther who live in Toronto. Fortunately, we were able to meet up with them during our trip to Toronto on Spring Break.

Interestingly, my uncle is my dad's cousin, and my aunt is my mom's sister, so each of them have a connection to one of my parents.

They are both retired now but still live in the same house in the same Toronto suburb where I visited them as a child and again as an adult back in 2002 at the end of residency. They have always been very kind and welcoming, and I fondly remember a trip I took there on my own during college when they took me all around the city, to Niagra Falls, and then to Ottawa. It was an amazing visit!

This time, we spent the afternoon with them at their home and had some very nice discussions about current events, growing up, and growing old. We also played a few rounds of Chinese rummy. Uncle was a killer!

As usual, they prepared an amazing meal with two types of pasta and the largest tiramisu I think I have ever seen! Cate was in heaven.

I hope we get the chance to see them again soon because 18 years is too long!

ROOTS

This year, we went to Toronto on Spring Break. It had been nearly four years since we had left the country on a trip, so it felt good to be abroad again.

Toronto has always been one of my favorite places in Canada, and I remember visiting my aunt and uncle there on my own when I was in college or high school - I cannot remember which. There is tremendous energy and diversity in the city, and I have always thought of Toronto as a cleaner, safer, and nicer version of New York. This trip was no exception.

We ate a lot of amazing food, including several Thai meals. 

We also stopped by Eataly, Mario Batalli's food hall that also has locations in Chicago and New York. Fortunately, we did a lot of walking, so I did not put on too many pounds.

Of course, we had to get some Canadian chocolates, and the Cadbury's, Aero, and Coffee Crisp are still second to none. 

Because Toronto is only four hours away, I have no doubt we will be back soon!