TOUCHSTONE

If we are lucky, we have certain people in our lives become touchstones, a point of reference, that helps to center and guide us. I am fortunate to have had several individuals like this from various phases of my medical training. These people have made all the difference when I faced challenges or was contemplating big life decisions. Dr. L. David Hillis, who was Internal Medicine Program Director during my time in Dallas and a key role model in my early career, is one of those touchstones.

Whenever we visit my sister during the holidays in San Antonio, I always check in to see if Dr. Hillis is free to catch up. Nearly every year he is available, and seeing him is always a highlight of the trip. It is not just because we reminisce about the good old days. Rather, it is because he has such a wise and thoughtful perspective, having navigated academic medicine for 50 years at some of the top centers in the country. In addition to being a great leader, Dr. Hillis had the opportunity to be surrounded by some of the true giants in medicine, Dr. Eugene Brauwald, Dr. Donald Seldin, and Dr. Daniel Foster. These men were larger that life and clearly left a major imprint on him. I was fortunate to know the latter two, and I still remember the fondly and try to live up to their example. 

On this visit, I was grateful to have Dr. Hillis' advice as I contemplate how to chart this next phase of my career and decide how I could be most impactful while feeling most purposeful. He provided clear guidance on what factors to consider while never telling me what to do or how to choose. That is the hallmark of a great friend - one who helps you think about a problem without providing their own solution. 

Whenever someone from my field or my institution reaches out to me for advice, I think about the amazing touchstones I have had. I always takes these meetings or calls and try to help that individual talk through what is one their mind in the same way Dr. Hillis might. That is a tall order, but it helps to have had such an amazing touchstone for the past 25 years!

SAN ANTONE

We have been coming to San Antonio for years since my sister moved here, but somehow every trip to this city feels special.

San Antonio exudes an ethos and pace that is refreshing in this world that is very self-centered and moving at 100 miles per hour. Here, there is a distinct feeling of community and blending of cultures and world views. Despite being the seventh largest city in the country, people appear to take the time to slow down, savor life, and enjoy time with their friends and families. At least, that is the feeling I get from observing people out and about in San Antonio.

I feel my heart beat slow do a little and the stress subside when I am in San Antonio. Maybe that is because I am not back home and away from all the pressure of the real world. Undercutting that is theory though is the fact that I have visited plenty of cities on vacation but none makes me feel this way. Perhaps it is the blend of family here, the city layout, the food, and the beauty of the Texas hill country. 

I will not try to explain San Antone. Instead, I will just enjoy it once again!

DIAMOND IN THE ROUGH

When I moved to Michigan five years ago, I gave up a lot of things - the least of which was my frequent flyer status on Alaska Airlines, my preferred airline back in Portland. Here in Michigan, I have been flying Delta almost exclusively. I graduated to the second highest frequent flyer status two years in. This year, unbeknownst to me, I was very close to hitting an even higher status- Diamond. However, it looked as though I would be a few miles short. 

I turned to my friend, Amit, who is a connoisseur of airline points. He recommended I take a "mileage run," taking a flight purely to wrack up the miles necessary to achieve the mileage status goal. Therefore, I booked a round trip flight to Chicago - on Christmas Eve, one of the busiest travel days of the year. I landed, spent an hour on the ground, and then headed home on the same plane that had brought me there. That trip, coupled with my flight to San Antonio the next day for Christmas, put me over the top!

In many ways this quest for Diamond Status parallels the hustling I have been doing these past few years to get back to where I was before the move or to soar to even higher heights. It has not been easy, and along the way, I have been humbled so many times. On this day, though, I could see how far I had come and exactly the ingenuity and countless miles it to took to get here. I'll savor this moment, knowing that the mileage clock and the achievement clock resets anew each year. Here we go again!

GROWTH

As a parent, one cannot perceive the change and growth in one's children unless there are away for a prolonged period of time or unless one really looks hard.

I had the same sensation last week at lab meeting when two of my trainees presented their project progress. Both had joined the lab nearly five years ago knowing virtually nothing about prostate cancer - and, in one way - virtually nothing about cancer, generally. However, on this day, both trainees demonstrated a clear command of the field, in general, the problems they were studying, and their own data and projects.

As I sat back and took it all in, a sense of pride washed over me. I was not happy because I felt as though I was responsible for their success. Rather, I felt happy because I appreciated just how responsible they had been for their own growth and development. I felt lucky to have these two on my team, knowing that the people in our lives, including our coworkers, are not forever.

I will try to remember this feeling on the hard days when things are not going to plan or individuals do not do their best or demonstrate the command I expect them to have. Growth does not happen overnight, and if we do not pay close attention we can miss it. On that day though, growth was on full display. 

DEAR FELIX

Dear Felix,

Last weekend I made the short but eventful trip to San Francisco to say goodbye to you and to pay my respects to you, my dear friend Felix Feng, who was taken from this earth far too soon at the age of 48.

I first met you nearly ten years ago when we began collaborating on a team science project called the West Coast Prostate Cancer Dream Team. You were a new member to the team, having recently relocated from the University of Michigan, Almost immediately, you left your mark on the Team and helped turn it around by refocusing our projects and dreaming very big.

Countless ground-breaking papers followed, several of which you gave me the opportunity to lead. You appreciated that deep down most of us just want the opportunity to fulfill our potential. This seems basic, but far too often in life we are never given a chance to prove what we can do.

You were a guiding light for so many of us. I consider myself so lucky to call you a friend and to have had your wisdom and insights touch so much of what I have attempted to accomplish in the past decade. 

I did not make a major life decision without consulting you, Felix, during the past 10 years, and I consider you to be a member of my family. You are truly one in a million.

There are many luminaries in the prostate cancer field. Most of their contributions come from discoveries made in their own labs. You, on the other hand, developed so many careers around the globe, including those whose success did not directly benefit you. Felix, you are the epitome of a team scientist and made our field more collaborative and kinder. 

You will always be in my heart, Felix. The same goes for your family, and I know I speak for all of us when I say we will always be there for you Mary, Eric, and Emily. 

We promise to continue to build the community you helped to create and remain focused on solving the most pressing problems patients with cancer face. Thank you for always leading the way, Felix. I love you and will miss you.

Love, 

Joshi

UP IN THE AIR

I had four trips in the past two weeks, which meant I had quite a bit of time in the air. I normally sit in the aisle, if I have a choice, but on this flight. However, on this flight I was in a 1-2 configuration, sitting in the solo seat on one side. Therefore, I took advantage and spent a good amount of time looking out the window.

What I saw was almost ethereal. The clouds literally looked like the snow covered earth - or according to Nicholas the Uyuni Salt Flats in Bolivia -  and I was so captivated by their beauty. It was a reminder of how much beauty is all around us and how grateful I am to be alive.

THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS ARE FOR!

I visited Seattle this past week to give a seminar and visiting professorship. However, this trip was more than about academics. It was a chance to catch up with dear friends, some of whom I have known for 15 years and who are among my closest collaborators. 

Time not only breeds content, but it also breeds connection. It was so wonderful to spend two days with them catching up and finding out how their lives are going. The trip made me realize how lonely the past five years here have been and how limited my friend circle is. 

There are several explanations for why it is hard to make new friends as one gets older. We are pulled in many directions by work, kids, parents, and marriage. There are fewer opportunities during the day to see each other because of work from home. People want to disengage from work, so seeing a work colleague after hours is not necessarily top of the list.

It made me sad to think that this was my situation and that there was not an easy fix to solve it. However, I was reminded just how lucky I have been all my life with such amazing friend groups each step of the way and how it takes work to build community.

It was interesting that one of my colleagues in Seattle remarked to me that I seemed to adjust well to change and find ways to connect with others. I did not have an explanation in the moment. However, as I reflected, I realized that these were skills I was forced to learn after attending five different schools in five years growing up with our many moves first from Canada to Oklahoma City, then to Round Rock, and finally to Wells Branch. When you are an Indian kid with a funny accent amidst a sea of people unlike yourself, you have to find common ground. 

I have never thanked mom and dad for the skills and resilience I built up during those moves - mainly because I did not approve or understand these moves in the moment or for many years after. Now though, I do understand what those moves did for me and how they influenced the rest of my life. Connection and closeness are incredibly important to me, and that is probably because there were so many times that I struggled to find those things. If the past is a guide, I will hopefully find my people again. Until then, I will keep trying!