BURGER DAY IS ABOUT A LOT MORE THAN BURGERS

Each year Arbor hold a special event called Burger Day. The school holds a raffle to determine which parents will have the privilege of having lunch on this day with their children.  As you might have guessed, burgers are the main item on the menu, and the Senior students cook and serve the burgers.  All proceeds from the sale of burgers to the children and the cost of raffle tickets support the annual Senior camping trip.

I was not selected the past two years after buying one ticket, so this year I decided to be aggressive. I bought 40 tickets.  My gamble paid off, and I was selected to attend!

I arrived around 11:45 and waited outside the Arena. Shortly thereafter, Nicholas and his classmates from the Junior Down classroom arrived. They patiently waited outside for their turn, and then the children and the 2 parents who were selected from their classroom entered the Arena to claim their lunch.

Nicholas was ahead of me in line and went back to his classroom after he picked up his lunch. I eventually made my way to the classroom, where I found him laughing and talking with his classmates. He had eaten most of his lunch by the time I got there. However, when Nicholas saw me, he came over and sat by me and finished his lunch. We talked and he said he was glad that I had been selected.

After we finished our burgers (yum), chips, and lemonade, we decided to go outside for lunch recess.  A few boys were on the soccer pitch, and Nicholas said that we should go join them.  Soon thereafter, a game broke out. I was with the Primaries (kindergarteners and 1st graders) while Nicholas was with the Juniors (2nd and 3rd graders).

I was struck by how the game spontaneously developed with new kids continually joining. I was also impressed by the kindness and sportsmanship the children showed to one another. When someone made a good play, several students congratulated that person. When someone was knocked down, a hand was always extended by the offending party and was accompanied by an "I'm sorry."

I do not want you to get the impression that we were just fooling around or taking it easy though. The kids were really going for it, and I had a crack from about 20 yards out. I aimed high because ... well .... the goalkeeper was only four feet tall. The ball clanged off the top bar.

It was fine to be the playmaker, or main passer, and I set several kids up for goals.  A young girl, approached me rather tentatively and asked me if she could join, too. I smiled at her and said, "Of course. I want you on my team." I passed to her several times, and she almost scored!  I hope she will become a regular, and I asked Nicholas to invite her to join the game next time they play. I am sure he will because he is one sweet guy.

In all, the one hour I spent at Arbor for Burger Day, which felt much longer than one hour, was probably the best hour of my year so far.  Sure the burger was tasty, and sure it is always fun to come to the school. However, on this Burger Day I was able to experience the school more fully with Nicholas. I was able to be one of the kids, myself, and to take in the magic that happens each day when kind, bright, and giving children and teachers come together.

After Burger Day, I thought back to my own elementary education and was left wanting. However, I shrugged off my disappointment. This was because I took great comfort in knowing that Nicholas and Cate would have such a wonderful education in such a wonderful school.

Here's to Arbor and to Burger Day. I am already saving for next year's raffle...

SPEED DEMON

This video speaks for itself. Buckle up!

LA DECIMA

I am sure many of the soccer aficionados reading this might think that this column is about La Decima, Real Madrid's failed quest to secure a tenth European Cup. However, they would be wrong. Today, I celebrate my own Decima - my tenth wedding anniversary.

These past ten years represent over one-quarter of my life, and it has been an eventful decade since my wife Kathleen and I eloped and got married in City Hall in New York City.  That day, we were joined by my dear friend Chap Attwell. Chap was our best man, maid of honor, witness, and photographer for the event.  He even took us out for lunch afterwards at a quaint little cafe called La Pescadou in Soho. A framed postcard from that restaurant like the one below still adorns our kitchen wall.

Since that day, a lot has happened. We had a son. That son Nicholas is now nearly eight years old. He is a handsome, inquisitive, creative, and passionate young man of whom I cannot get enough.

We moved from Baltimore to Portland, OR. I am certain that there are many nice places to live, but for me, it does not get any better than Portland with its liberal populace, walkability, outdoor activities, farmers' markets, bookstores, and the like.

We had a daughter. That daughter Cate is now over four and a half years old. She is driven, whip-smart, empathetic, and her brilliance is only matched by her coordination. I love her more everyday.

I am now a practicing oncologist and physician-scientist at the medical school here. There have been many bumps along the road professionally, but I seem to be settling into a groove with both research and clinical care. I hope to be promoted to Associate Professor this year, and I am confident that the committee will grant that request.

Kathleen started out working at the same medical school here but later left to join a practice in town. A Draconian leader of that practice prompted her to quit her job recently, which led to a brief respite for her and our bank balance. However, Kathleen has now found a two-day per week position back at my workplace. This part-time job will give our family the flexibility it needs to raise these two kids while still saving aggressively for college plans and (early) retirement... if there is such a thing anymore.

The more I ponder the events of the last ten years, the more one single word comes to mind - change. Our lives and our marriage have been all about change, and change is hard. Perhaps that is why marriage often seems so frustrating to me.

It is hard enough to evolve, grow, and adapt on one's own. However, when one must do that in the context of one of more individuals (wife, kids, boss, etc), life become that much more challenging.

I have tried to be a good dad, son, brother, friend, and husband this past decade, but I realize that I have probably failed more than I have succeeded. There are many reasons for this. Foremost along them is that one only has a finite amount of time or energy to give. This time and energy can only be divided so many ways. Something has to give. Work and parenting have largely won out. This means that other areas have not been given as much attention.

An untilled garden can easily become fallow. One has to work and maintain and stay one step ahead of the seasons to maximize one's yields. Marriage is no different, and the challenge in a marriage is to remember the importance of empathy and respect. If you no longer recognize the person you married or feel that they do not understand you, it is easy to become disenchanted. Parenthood, careers, and different sets of friends divert attention from marriage and amplify misunderstandings and misgivings. The trick is to step back and realize that your partner is just that - a friend and ally whom you chose to navigate this treacherous yet potentially immensely joyous road.

No one said life was easy. However, no one said that life could be as good as it has been at times in these past ten years.

None of us can predict what will happen next year... let alone next week. Time will tell if Kathleen and I have another ten years in us. I hope we do. Because if the past ten years are any guide, a lot of change  - much of it positive - awaits us.

Change. Now that is something I can believe in...

THE END OF AN ERA

Today, Barca were thoroughly dismantled by a superior Bayern Munich team. This blog post will certainly not be the most definitive account or explanation written today about that thrashing and an end to Barca's era of football domination. However, it will be among the most personal.

I realize that this blog has been dominated by a single subject in the past three years - Football Club Barcelona. The reason is simple. Nothing else in life gives me the same singular sense of pleasure as watching the way this club has played football for the past three years.

Happiness is not a word I would ever use to describe me. Life is hard, busy, challenging. Yet, happiness - no, joy - is what I felt for the first time in many years when I saw Barca play at their iconic Camp Nou Stadium on a cool November night last year.

My kids, Nicholas and Catherine, feel a similar affinity for the club, and it has been great to enjoy this Barca team with them.

Indeed, there are few things in life I have ever witnessed that are as beautiful as the way these players have transformed a ball into a brush on the pitch that has been their canvas. They play their music as a team - like a symphony with many "first chair" players - with very few solo goals. Because of that, it is sad to see something I love struggle, whither, and fade.

There are several reasons for Barca's decline. First, their coach Tito Villanova suffered a relapse of his cancer that required a 3 month leave of absence. In Tito's absence, the void in leadership became great. Despite his return, leadership has continued to elude this team. Tito's decisions have been poor and have cost the team dearly.  Second, the team has not invested wisely in the right players. Barca has been without proper defenders for over two years, and this has caught up with them. This year, the team conceded a record number of goals compared with the prior four seasons, and this season is not yet done. Third, the players no longer have that drive to fight until the end and to focus for every second of the match. This is a necessity for competitions like the European Champions' League, and our lack of hunger has cost us dearly this year. I do not blame anyone person for this. This lack of hunger is merely a by-product of these players winning literally every trophy there is to win in the past 5 years- 2 European Championship titles, 1 World Cup title, 2 European Champions' League titles, 3 Spanish League titles, 1 Club World Cup title, etc, etc. Compared with a Bayern Munich team whose players have won none of those trophies, the chasm in desire and intensity between our players and theirs was stark.

So, where do we go from here? I will remain a committed fan - sad - but still committed. However, the team needs to make several crucial decisions if they are to evolve and move forward.

In my day job, I study cancer evolution. That chaotic process leads to changes in the genes of cancer cells. The process of cancer treatment gives certain cancer cells a survival advantage. Commonly, the cancer cells with the greatest number of different gene changes are the "fittest." Particularly virulent are the cancer cells whose gene changes work in concert with each other. As opposed to cancer cells with one gene change, or monstrous head, these complex, Medusa-like cancer cells are very resistant to treatment and nearly impossible to stop.

To extend this to a football club, the team with the greatest number of different threats that complement one another are the winners. Bayern will be in their third Champions' League final in the past four years three weeks from now because each summer they have strengthened their squad and improved their tactics. Today's result speaks for itself.

Barca, too, will need to evolve if they are to regain the crown as the world's best club. First, as painful as this sounds, Barca needs a new coach. Battling life-threatening cancer and coaching Barca are truly incompatible.  Despite his recovery, Tito is a shell of his former self, and the fans and players have lost belief in him due to his recent decisions and the team's poor play. Second, we need to sell (trade) players who once brought this club pride and trophies alike. Their accomplishments are remarkable, but the team needs to plan for the future rather than dwell on the past. Third, the best players in the world who are most compatible with Barca's selfless system of passing and team attacking must be bought... at whatever cost. Finally, the team needs to find a way to score and win without Lionel Messi.

Today, Messi watched from the bench because he was not fit. In fact, he probably re-aggravated his thigh injury by playing in Barca's meaningless Spanish league game over the weekend. Messi should not have been risked that day, and when today's lineup was announced without him in it, we all knew that Barca had no chance.

Last year many people celebrated when Messi broke the record for the most goals scored in a calendar year. I was not one of them. Surely, Messi's record was partially explained by his skill and dominance. However, lack of other goal-scoring threats on the team was as important for Messi setting that mark.

Many have said that Messi would be nothing without his Barca teammates. However, this season has revealed that Barca is now literally nothing without Messi. He needs some support. If we are lucky, Messi will never break another goal-scoring record again... because there will be other Barca players equally capable of scoring.

So, tonight is a sad night. This loss today did not come as a shock. It actually came as I expected - resoundingly. For someone who considers himself an obsessive, today was a painful day.  When I am enamored with someone or something, I go all in, and I hold that thing deeply and dearly. This team more than anything else has been that obsession for me the past few years. That obsession has not been without disappointment... especially in the past week.

Perhaps I should find a new passion? That may be easier said than done with this team.

I will leave you on a high note: Barca's last Champions' League title game from 2011.

Barca's level and style of play that day remind me why I love this team and explain - to borrow a quote from Heath Ledger's character from "Brokeback Mountain" - why I cannot quit Barca...